What the Heart Knows

The setting changed and he found himself surrounded by water. Panic paralyzed him as he struggled to release the seatbelt that bound him prisoner to the car about to become his watery grave. He turned his head to the right and screamed as he took in the bloated corpse trapped in the passenger seat beside him. He screamed, chocking on the water he ingested.

“Oliver.”

The sound of his sister’s voice brought him back into the present.

“What?”

“You still with me?”

“Yeah, sorry, I drifted off there for a second.”

The last thing he planned on doing was telling her about his dreams. She thought he was moving on and getting better. He refused to ruin that.

“If this girl has you this distracted I can’t wait to see the two of you together in person.”

He gave what he hoped was a believabl

e chuckle and shrugged as he feigned nonchalance.

“I have to keep an air of mystery about me in person, so don’t give away all my secrets. “

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she said. Oliver rolled his eyes. The wicked gleam in her eyes told him she didn’t mean a word she’d just said.

“Come on, let’s join the others, before they start to worry,” Tanya said.

Oliver slipped an arm around her shoulders, as they headed back over to sit with the adults.

****

Oliver tossed his jacket over a chair as he walked into the living room. It was always nice to catch up with his family, but draining at the same time. As the only male in a family full of females he was often under scrutiny. He sank down onto the couch. They meant well but the prying could be tedious and intrusive, especially since he’d lost Hannah. He studied the virtually unchanged living space he’d once shared with his wife, and thought back to the dream that still lingered on the edge of his consciousness. It was clear he needed to take more steps to move past her memory.

His heart raced when his perusal of the living room stopped on a wedding picture. Hadn’t he put that in a drawer? A deep frown crept over his face as he furrowed his brow. How could he have missed that? It was on the breakfast nook where he had coffee every morning. He rose from the couch and walked over to pick up the frame and place it in the top drawer in the kitchen. The mind was an amazing thing. It could make you think you saw things that weren’t there, and act as your own worst enemy.

“Okay, you’re starting to lose it,” he whispered.

The house felt too silent and as he glanced around once more he swore he could feel eyes on him. Oliver shook his head as his hands balled into fists. He’d come much too far now to sink back into the bottomless pit of depression and guilt. Anger fueled him as he stood and walked into his bedroom. If he needed to let go of more he’d do it. It was like pulling off a Band-Aid. The faster you ripped it off the less pain you were in for in the long run.

For the past two years he’d been following the slow pull method, and it’d gotten him nowhere. What Tanya said was correct. Hannah would tell him to move on and find happiness again. The twisted wraith he saw in his dreams was just that, a vision of nightmares and lost hope. He flipped on the light on the wall, walked over to the right side of the walk-in closet and paused. This had been Hannah’s side. An almost tense silence fell over the house as he placed his hand on the door handle and paused. Was he ready to look through her things? Yes, as ready as anyone ever was to let go of those they loved. He curved his hand around the golden handle, pushed down and pulled the door out. The band shirts they’d acquired together over the years assaulted his eyes and he smiled as the memories returned.

They’d had some fun times together over the years. Those were the memories worth remembering. His hand trembled slightly as he reached down to take the pale pink 311 shirt off its hanger. He had no use for them. So why did he feel just a little sick to his stomach when he folded the t-shirt and set it on his bed to be taken to a donation center? He ignored the guilt that gnawed at him until he was forced to head to the bathroom and dry heave into the toilet. It was progress, but not nearly as much as he would’ve liked. Ashamed by his weakness, he vowed to finish clearing the closet tomorrow. Exhausted he stripped down, and decided on a hot shower and what he hoped would be a dreamless sleep with the help of the tiny white pills he seemed to be needing more and more.

Chapter Nine

Juni studied Oliver from beneath her lowered lids as he moved around her apartment. It felt right having him here.

“You’re boring a hole in my skull. What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“Just thinking about how well you fit into my life.”

“You’re so sweet when you’re all contemplative and deep?”

“Hush!” She giggled as she tossed a pillow at him and he batted it away with ease.

“You don’t want me to say you’re cute?” he asked.

“I don’t want you to dismiss what I’m saying.”

“I’m not. I’ve just never been into the whole soul mate and spirits thing.” She saw him cringe at the word spirit and felt a twinge of guilt. The last thing he needed was to think of his wife existing out there in the universe in one form or another. She wanted to stop talking but it was like she had diarrhea of the mouth, as her words continued to spew forth.