She inched closer so our knees were touching. “I already have images burned in my brain, Marcus. Maybe by helping, I could stop that from happening to another woman. I want to do that. I want to try.”
I wanted to punch something, but I knew at the moment, that was impossible. I glanced at Dr. Easton, who was watching us, silent but alert.
“I’ll repeat the question. In your professional opinion, Dr. Easton, is Missy strong enough to do this?”
“That, only Missy knows. I think personally it would be good for her. She wants to contribute, and she has experience. I also have to trust that if she decided she couldn’t handle it, she would speak up.” She looked at Missy, who nodded in affirmation.
“She’ll never know if she doesn’t try, Marcus. It might help her move forward.” She paused, glancing at our clasped hands. “It might help you move forward.”
I turned to Missy, who was watching me with anxious eyes.
“If I agree, you promise to tell me if it’s too much?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll work within the boundaries I set?”
“As long as they’re fair. Don’t give me a bunch of BS to do just to keep me off your back.”
She was smart, but I grudgingly agreed.
“Okay, I’ll get Damien to set you up in the apartment.”
“I can’t be in the command room?”
I shut my eyes, trying to find my patience. “I would prefer not. It’s not only your case we’re working on.”
“Maybe on occasion?” She pushed.
I nodded tersely.
“Okay.”
“And you keep seeing Dr. Easton.”
“I planned to.”
I looked at Dr. Easton. “Accommodating enough for you?”
A smile broke through her professional mask. “It’s a start, Marcus.”
Jesus. God save me from strong-minded women.
Missy
I sat back, the hair on my forehead lifting with my long exhale of air. My days had taken on a semblance of order, one which helped me settle, yet still felt as if they weren’t busy enough. As if I wasn’t doing enough to help.
Marcus had Damien set me up with a laptop. It was incredibly fast and the software unlike anything I had used before now. Damien spent some time with me showing me how to use it, explaining the safeguards and encryption techniques. There was no camera on the laptop, and it was, as he assured me, completely untraceable. I spent hours poring over documents, files, and intel they had on various cases—some past, some ongoing—trying to find traces of the elusive Xander in them. Wanting, needing to know how I came into the picture.
Twice a week, I went for counseling. Dr. Easton had helped me a great deal. Marcus was right. It was easier to talk to her, knowing whatever I said was listened to and treated objectively. She was empathetic, but not involved. She helped me sort out some of my anger and worry.
Marcus had enough of both on his plate all the time. He took his role as leader very seriously. He constantly looked out for his men, ever vigilant with their safety. He was well respected by everyone on his team, and I knew Julian thought highly of him. He worked as hard, if not harder, always looking ahead, wanting to rid the world of as much darkness as possible. He was driven, strong, and determined.
I saw a different side of him. When we were alone, there was a teasing, softer side to him that he allowed me to see. He loved to cook, to putter in his little garden plot, to listen to music, and enjoy a glass of wine. He was infinitely tender, always just this side of rough—demanding, sweet, dirty, and loving. All of it rolled into his sexy body and killer looks. I never knew which Marcus would come out to play. Sometimes the evenings were long hours of talk and foreplay, followed by passion and lovemaking. Others were short and fast, the dark look in his eyes letting me know he would be fucking me hard and fast at any moment.
Yet even when he was at his most demanding—intense and dark—he never frightened me. His touch was never anything but perfect, he handled me carefully, and I knew I was safe. It allowed me to let go with him and explore him and us with an ease that surprised me. He made me feel comfortable enough to be Missy. I had asked Dr. Easton if something was wrong with me.
“I don’t understand,” she said with a frown.
“With what I went through, what I saw, the knowledge I have been exposed to—” I blew out a long breath “—shouldn’t I be more, ah, reticent of sex?”
“Of sex, or of sex with Marcus?”
I felt my cheeks flame. “Yes,” I mumbled.
She shook her head. “You went through a great deal. Something like that would have an effect on anyone. The fact that you are able to be free with Marcus, to enjoy sex, to embrace the passion he brings out in you, is a wonderful thing. You share something, and you should absolutely rejoice in the fact that he makes you feel safe enough to enjoy it.”