The Freshman (College Years 1)

Feels like it always happens like this. Life is just cruising along, everything feels good, you’re all right with the world, the world is right with you, and then it’s like BAM.

A slap to the face.

A punch to the gut.

And your life changes.

Caleb found me on campus. In the library. I stopped by here for the hour break I have between classes, going over a chapter I skimmed yesterday that we might have a test on today. I’ve been distracted lately, and my grades are slipping. Nothing serious, but all I want to do is play football or spend time with Hayden. School has taken the backburner, when I need to watch out. I have to maintain a certain GPA to play on the team and I’m not about to risk it.

“There you are,” Caleb says when he finds me, practically skidding to a stop in front of the table I’m sitting at. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

He’s breathless. His chest is heaving, as if he’s been running.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He settles into the chair across from me, his expression stern. “I overheard something.”

Dread slithers over me, pooling in my gut. “From who?”

“Hayden.”

I thought this was team related. Not girl related.

The dread grows, spreading through my blood. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know who she was talking to, but I was walking Gracie to class.” I start to say something, but Caleb holds his hand out, stopping me. “Don’t give me shit. I’ll tell you about that later. Anyway, we ran into Hayden. She was on the phone.”

“Okay,” I say slowly, hating where this is going.

“And she said something like, ‘Tony and I have an understanding. We’re going nowhere.’” My friend’s expression is pained. “I hate being the bearer of bad news, but I thought you should know before she goes to you and tries to make it seem like she didn’t say that. I heard those words come out of her mouth, Tony. She said it. Wish I knew who to.”

I nod, taking in his words, running them over and over again in my mind. The dread is still there, but I’m not angry. Not yet. More like I’m viewing this revelation as a puzzle, and I’m trying to figure it out.

Why would she say that? And to who? After everything we discussed last night, I thought we were on solid ground. As solid as we’ve ever been. I was feeling good. I’m halfway to being in love, while she’s on the road to nowhere.

Maybe she was playing me last night, but why? She’s always been upfront, right from the get-go. She doesn’t believe in relationships. She thinks they’re pointless, and I do too.

I especially do right now.

“This could be nothing,” I tell him after a few moments of tense silence.

“It could be everything,” Caleb says. “I’m not trying to sabotage your relationship, bro. You have to know that. I just don’t—I don’t want you thinking that everything’s perfect, while she’s telling other people you two have an understanding.” He does air quotes with his fingers around the last word.

That is something I’ve never seen Caleb do before in his life.

“I hate seeing you guys go through it,” he continues, sounding sad. “Diego and Jocelyn? What a mess. Jake and Hannah, when they were having their troubles? Awful. Now you and Hayden?”

“It could be nothing,” I stress again, my mind still replaying what Caleb said.

“Right. Keep telling yourself that,” Caleb says, his voice ringing with doubt.

Damn, he’s right. I sound like an idiot. I don’t want to be the idiot who thinks everything’s okay when it’s not. I’ve already done that once.

“You and Sophie?” Caleb says, his voice gentle. I lift my head, my gaze meeting his. “She broke you. You put on this act like nothing affects you a

nd you don’t say shit, but I saw it. We all did. She broke your heart and you pushed it aside like no big deal. You never even talked about it with us.”

“What was there to say?” I shrug, not wanting to think about Sophie.