The Junior (College Years 3)

“Lobsters mate for life. When they find their ‘one,’ they stick together forever. Maybe that’s you and Caleb,” Ellie explains.

“Does that mean Tony is my lobster?” Hayden asks, sounding hopeful. When Ellie nods, she smiles. “That’s so cute.”

A flare of panic lights up my chest and crawls up my throat. I smile through it, blinking over and over again, the words ‘mate for life’ running through my head on repeat.

Is that what I want? Caleb and me, always and forever?

I never gave it any real serious thought. I was always living in the moment, enjoying him. And us. Together.

Being in a committed relationship is a big step for me—and him. We don’t do that sort of thing, and everyone knows that. That we chose each other and continue to see each other is a huge deal.

What if it doesn’t work out? I live with him, and the lease isn’t up until June. That’s a long way out. Everything could fall apart and I’d be stuck having to share an apartment with the guy. The very guy who’s had his mouth on every part of me. Who held my hand when I went to the emergency room. The man who took me camping on the beach and shared a part of himself that not too many people ever get to see.

I think of that version of Caleb that I see all the time now, and my panic dissipates. I sink into the chair, taking deep breaths, hoping no one notices me.

But wouldn’t you know, my friends totally notice me coming down after a minor anxiety attack.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asks, leaning across the table toward me.

I wave a hand, trying to smile. “I’m fine.”

I don’t sound fine. My voice squeaks and I’m breaking out in a sweat, despite the cool breeze currently blowing outside.

“Are you freaking out right now?” Hayden asks, her voice loud.

I shush her, making Ellie giggle. “The lobster comment got me,” I admit.

Ellie frowns. “You didn’t like it?”

“More like it scared me. Caleb and I…” How do I put this without sounding awful? Would it actually sound awful? I don’t mean anything behind it. I’m just going to state facts. “We’re just living in the moment, you know? Yes, we’re together. Yes, we really like each other. Are we in love?”

“Probably,” Ellie says.

“Yes,” Hayden replies at the same time.

I slowly shake my head. “I don’t know about that. I’ve never been in love before, and it’s kind of scary, if I’m being honest. Can I imagine being with him forever? When I try, I see nothing. Plus, there are a few things going against him.”

Ellie frowns. “Like what?”

“His player reputation, for one.” Girls throw themselves at him after games. I’ve witnessed it. He claims they don’t tempt him, but how long will that last? Eventually he will get bored of me. I’ll probably get bored with him too. It’s just the nature of the beast.

And we’re the same beast. I think this is why we’re so drawn to each other. We’re a lot alike.

“You have a bit of a player reputation as well,” Hayden reminds me. “Yet you seem perfectly content with him.”

“For now,” I tack on, frowning. “I worry about his age. He’s two years younger than me.”

“So? Tony and I make it work,” Hayden says.

“Tony knows what he wants. What’s expected of him. Caleb is kind of lost in the future career department,” I say.

“He’s still young,” Ellie says. “He’ll figure it out.”

“Eventually. While I’m over here, already throwing myself into my career.” I was always told in school that girls mature faster than boys, and overall, it’s true. Nothing against dudes, but they can be really immature. Caleb is extremely immature a lot of the time. All that boyish charm is part of his appeal. And while he knows when to step up and take care of me when I need it, he also knows how to hold back and let me lead.

Which is nice. Refreshing. I’ve been with a lot of macho assholes. Caleb has macho asshole tendencies, but he’s also a sweetheart.

“Our timelines don’t match,” is what I finally realize. “Next year, he’s a senior and still living it up. His last year of glory as a football player, of being a student. While I’ll be working my first, real job, not knowing where I’ll be. I could end up leaving the area.”