The Senior (College Years 4)

More memories flood me. The last time I wore that shirt, I took Eli to a Bulldog game with the rest of my family. That was his trial by fire, hanging out with all of us for the first time, right when we initially got back together. He came over to the house before the game when no one was home and…

We had sex in my room. Make-up sex, considering we’d had a huge blow-up only a week or two before and things were bad between us.

I’d been so happy that day, confident Eli was back in my life. In the beginning, it was a struggle, and we kept everything a secret, which he didn’t like. I didn’t either, but felt it was necessary at the time. My brother hated him. My family didn’t necessarily approve. Eli went to our rival high school. My friends thought I was crazy for wanting him. Back then, I wondered if I was a little crazy too.

My heart pangs at the past memories running through my mind. I miss him.

Then I remember what he said to me during our last conversation, and my heart hardens over its original shattered shell. I’m mad at him all over again.

Actually, I’m furious.

“I’ll wear it.” I sit up and snatch the shirt out of Autumn’s hand, startling her, especially when the hanger clatters to the floor. “Maybe you could do my makeup?”

Autumn watches me ball the T-shirt up, clutching it in my fingers. “Of course. And I’m thinking you should dress up a little more. I’m wearing a red dress.”

“I’m sure I have something more appropriate then.” I hurl the T-shirt toward a nearby chair, throwing it with extra force. “He better not talk to me. He better not even look in my direction.”

Actually, I will be devastated if he doesn’t even bother to look my way. That’ll hurt, more than I can bear.

I hate how conflicted he makes me feel. I despise him; I love him. I don’t want to see him; I’m dying to get just one look at his handsome face. I want to punch him in the nuts; I want to hug him close and feel his arms come around me.

Throwing myself back on the bed, I continue staring at the ceiling, watching the fan turn lazily above me. Autumn is back in my closet, but I sort of wish she?

?d leave. She’s been such a supportive sister since this all happened. She even came and visited me in Spain over the summer, and we wandered all over the city, checking out the sights and taking lots of photos while eating delicious food.

The entire experience was amazing. A once in a lifetime trip, studying international business, becoming a better Spanish speaker, and learning the ways of another country’s culture. I made new friends. Saw new things. Being in Spain was a great distraction from my breakup. If I’d been at home, it would’ve been so much worse.

But if I’d been at home, Eli and I never would’ve broken up. We’d still be together.

A sigh leaves me.

I can’t win.

“Oh, Ava, I love your dress. Is it new?”

I stop at the foot of the stairs, mustering up a smile for my mother. She’s watching me carefully, much like she has been since I arrived back home a week ago. As if she’s looking for a sign that I’m going to have a psychotic break.

“It’s new.” I glance down at the navy dress I bought right before I left for Spain. “I got it at Shein.”

“Love that site.” Autumn appears out of nowhere, offering me a bright smile. “Are we ready to go?”

“I don’t know where your brother and dad are,” Mom says as she wanders off toward the kitchen. “Drew? Where are you?”

Autumn rolls her eyes. “We need to go soon. I don’t want to be late.”

“Let’s drive to the stadium in your car,” I suggest. “I don’t even think Beck is out of the shower yet.”

Autumn makes a face. Teenaged boys taking too long in the shower is nothing new. We lived with Jake, after all.

“Mom, we’re leaving,” Autumn calls as she starts for the front door. I follow after her. “Lock up after us!”

“Wait!” We both stop when Mom practically runs back into the foyer. “I thought we’d all go down together as a family. I assume you’ll want to take off with Ash after the game, right?”

Autumn and I share a look. She will totally want to leave with Ash. “I’ll drive Autumn’s car,” I offer.

“You sure you’ll be up to driving?” Mom asks me, her brows drawn together.

I’m frowning too. “What do you mean? I’ll be fine.”