“Hey, hey, I’m not your patient,” I interrupted. I didn’t know where this was going, but I wasn’t a fan. He could pick up a better hobby, like coming with me to the shooting range or, fuck, golf. “I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed.”
He gave up on the magazine and shifted on the couch to face me better. “It’s difficult not to when you’re displaying several stereotypical traits of a middle child—but of course, it’s more complex than that. First and foremost, you’re an older brother and a provider.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Dude, spare me.”
Shan’s amusement softened into something more troubling. Concern and parental affection. Which I needed like America needed another lawyer.
“You rebel when someone tries to get closer, yet it’s what you’ve needed since—”
“All right, good talk.” I stood up abruptly and drained my drink. Phew, nobody could accuse me of mixing weak drinks. “I’m off to work.”
I couldn’t leave the apartment quickly enough. I grabbed my things in the bedroom and made sure I had the credit card I used for discreet hotel reservations, then hoped for a painless escape through the living room.
I had no such luck.
“Kellan,” he said as I reached the entryway. Nope, nope, nope, nope. “I have a picture of you in my wallet too—just so you know.”
Embarrassment flooded from within, and my throat closed up at the same time as I had to laugh. So it came out all strangled, which pissed me the hell off. “I don’t know why you’re saying that—I don’t fucking care. Now piss off.” With that said, I hurried out and slammed the door shut after me. “Uaarghh.” I cringed and suffered through a whole-body shudder on my way to the elevator. Who the fuck did he think he was? I didn’t need to be in anybody’s wallet.
And fuck him for making me feel weird now. Like he’d poked at something I wanted to be left alone.
I had it shake it off. I had an hour to get to the hotel across the river, and then I had to shower and become a new person before I met up with that bastard again—under very different circumstances.
I was going to deserve an Oscar if I pulled off that kind of performance.
As soon as I got down to the garage and into my car, I leaned forward and banged my head repeatedly against the wheel. Why did he fucking say that? Why would I care about him having a picture of me in his wallet? Like, once again, I was his kid or something?
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I couldn’t ignore it. Since I’d gotten Alfie to accept the job with me, I’d downsized to only one phone—aside from the burner. Important inner-circle Sons, including crew bosses, and family had my number, going to the same phone. The rest was with Alfie, who was currently driving all their belongings across the country with a husband he couldn’t stop arguing with.
I sighed and checked my messages, not too surprised to see it was from Shan.
It doesn’t make you any less of a man to want support and someone in your corner, Kellan. You had to get by on your own from such a young age that it’s completely understandable you feel torn between conflicting emotions. Both wanting the world to see you’re independent, and craving comfort when things get to be too much. Just know that I’m in your corner. And me wanting to be there for you has absolutely nothing to do with the roles we may have had years ago.
“Fuck.” The word gusted out of me before my forehead hit the wheel again.
My stomach tightened painfully.
That rat bastard. He was taking the fight out of me, and I needed that to stay upright.
This is gonna hurt, isn’t it?
I couldn’t act to save my life.
Thankfully, Shan’s instructions required I lie naked on the bed, on my stomach, before he entered the room, and I was good with that. That much, I could do. I’d gone overboard with preparations, applying too much cologne, arriving way too early to ensure he wasn’t lurking somewhere in the club, and I’d shaved off the trimmed beard I’d been sporting the past few weeks. I hoped it would make up for what I couldn’t be, such as someone else.
I feared he’d catch on the second he sensed how much I wanted him tonight. And not just for sex. I needed him close to me. I wanted what he’d explicitly told me he had no interest in—intimacy.
If he did, in fact, realize it was me and ran for the hills, well, then I’d gotten a single moment that was 100% him and me. And I wouldn’t have to avoid him the next few days while I waited for my scruff to grow back, ’cause he’d do all the avoiding for me.