“Okay...” There was a hesitancy in his voice. “Is this about me asking you to prom? If it’s too much, too soon, I get it. Can we just pretend I never asked and go back to before?”
Tears filled my eyes as I stared at the oak tree in the yard. I didn’t want to pretend Jayden had never asked me to prom. I wanted to kiss him and tell him that going with him was all I ever wanted. I wanted the dress, the tux, the limo. And I wanted them with him. But I couldn’t have that. Not if I wanted to keep my little sister from diving off the deep end. Not if I wanted to be the person my parents counted on.
“We can’t go back to before.” I crossed my arms and turned toward him, doing my best to blink back the tears. “Things have changed.”
Surprise filled his eyes. He blinked at me as his tongue darted across his lips. “What do you mean? What’s changed?”
My throat thickened. This was going to be harder to get out than I’d even imagined. “We...can’t be together right now.”
“Wait, what?” He put his hands behind his head, frustration showing in the tension along his jawline. “Explain this to me, Mandy, because I’m lost. Just three days ago, you were telling me you wanted to be with me.”
“I do. But my sister...”
“What does your sister have to do with any of this?” His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to one side.
“Ever since you helped her Saturday night, she’s been obsessed with you.”
“No, no, no.” He waved his hands in front of his chest. “All she did was make me some cookies as a thank you. She’s not obsessed.”
I scoffed and threw my head back. “You don’t know her like I do. Charlotte never bakes. Those were special cookies.”
“Special cookies?” His voice betrayed his sour disbelief.
“Yeah.”
I shuffled my feet, desperately wishing I could go for a run to clear all of this out of my head. It was hard explaining myself to him. I was so used to taking control of a situation. Used to handling things myself. When Mom got sick, I’d taken over meals at the house and entertaining my sister so my parents wouldn’t have to deal with anything else. They hadn’t even needed to ask. That was the kind of person I was. Bringing Jayden into it was totally against my nature.
“Charlotte has been so lonely lately that she’s been hanging out with those awful girls,” I said through my gritted teeth. “And I told her she needed to ditch them and find her person. And now she has. She thinks you’re her person. And I can’t do something that’ll make her run back to the partying and the drinking. Not when she’s still so fragile.”
It felt like the life-force had been sucked out of me. I leaned slightly back on the porch railing, needing something to prop me up.
Jayden took off his cap, smoothed a hand over his head, and then placed it back on. I could see the frustration building in his eyes. “I’m happy to
be her friend, Mandy. But that doesn’t mean you and I can’t be together.”
I shot him a pleading look. He wasn’t getting how serious this was. “She’s practically in love with you.”
Jayden’s gaze darkened as he grasped my upper arms and stared into my face. “But I’m not in love with her. I’m in love with someone else.”
It was as if a lightning bolt had descended from the rainstorm cloud above and shot me straight in the chest. I gasped, feeling the shock spread throughout my body. How could he say he loved me? We’d just kissed for the first time three days ago. He didn’t know what he wanted.
I broke out of his grasp and headed for the porch steps. The rain was still pouring down, but I didn’t care. My body urged me to put as much space between me and the porch as possible. Jayden followed, calling my name. I took off down the sidewalk and made it several paces before the frustration built up so strong inside of me that I couldn’t help it anymore. Spinning around, I shook my finger at him.
“You can’t do that.” I wiped the water out of my eyes to glare at him. “You can’t make things up like that just to get me to choose you over my sister.”
He swore loudly and threw his hands up. “Mandy, I’m not making anything up. I have been in love with you since you first hit me over the head with a Wiffle bat in third grade. That kiss in sixth grade pretty much sealed the deal. And I have loved you ever since. It’s always been you.”
Thunder rolled above our heads as I gaped at him. My stomach turned somersaults, both with excitement and dread. This was so not what I’d expected. A week ago, I would’ve laughed in anyone’s face if they’d told me Jayden Paul would be telling me he loved me in the pouring rain outside my home.
“But...but why didn’t you tell me?” My voice was more accusing than I’d meant it to be.
He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. “We’ve already established that I’m an idiot. And plus, I thought you hated me.”
“I didn’t hate you.” My chin quivered as I thought about all the time we’d wasted being petty to each other. What I wouldn’t give to have those years back. “I thought you were annoying sometimes, but I never hated you.”
He laughed dryly and took a step toward me. It was enough to get the alarms blaring in my head again, so I crossed my arms over my chest as an extra barrier between us.
“Okay, so you didn’t hate me.” His gaze searched my face. “But what about now? Won’t you let me help you with all of this?”