Hopeless Hero

“What do you mean?”

“You’re upset,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. “What happened? Did Zane do something?”

I shook my head. “No. I just I let myself believe in the fairytale, so it was my fault.”

“Well, if you need to talk…”

“Thanks.” I waved sadly and made my way back to the car.

After driving around town aimlessly for almost an hour, I decided to just go back to my parents’ place and rest for a while. My body hadn’t recovered from the previous night and I knew I would need my energy to play with Lizzy later.

When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, my stomach sank. Zane was sitting on the front steps with his head in his hands. I didn’t know how long he’d been waiting, but I knew my parents were gone for the day. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and drive all the way back to New York.

“What do you want?” I asked when I got out of the car.

Zane jumped to his feet and walked over to me. We stood facing each other in the front yard. I crossed my arms and waited for his answer.

“I need to talk to you,” he said weakly. His eyes were red and he looked terrible.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Then just listen,” he begged. “Please.”

I stood silently with my arms crossed, waiting impatiently for him to say whatever it was he so badly needed to say.

“Last night—that fight was… complicated.”

“Complicated?” I said. “Yeah. Okay.”

“It was,” he insisted while trying to stay calm. “That guy, McCoys—he and I were on the same team. Me, him, Leo, and Logan. We did over a hundred ops together. We were seamless. We could move without thinking, communicate without speaking…We were brothers. More than brothers. It’s hard to explain, but we were connected in a really intense way.”

Zane took a breath and closed his eyes. For the first time, I noticed that his hands were shaking. My instincts told me to step forward and touch him, but I fought off the urge.

“We were on an op,” he continued slowly. “I can’t get into the specifics—I’m duty bound to stay silent about it—but that night, things went wrong. We were all separated, which is never ideal. But it was disastrous for this particular mission. I heard gunshots and ran as fast as I could, but I was too late. By the time we found Leo, he was already half dead. We couldn’t save him.”

I sucked in a breath and listened intently, all my anger disappearing.

“Last night,” Zane went on, “McCoys was drunk. We both were. He said some stuff he shouldn’t have. He blamed me for what happened to Leo, which is something I’ve done every day for the past four months.” He shook his head. “But when McCoys said it, I just lost it. I didn’t even know what I was doing until it was over. I shouldn’t have hit him, I know that. And I’m sorry you had to see that. That’s not something I ever wanted you to witness. I’m not that person, I swear. I’m not the kind of guy who gets in random bar fights. I was just…”

“Angry,” I said softly.

“Guilty,” he corrected. “I can’t shake the thought that I should have done more. If I had moved faster or ran harder, maybe I could have saved him. I should have saved him.”

“It’s not your fault.” I took a step closer and touched his shoulder. “You did everything you could, Zane. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I feel like it is. I’m trying to move past it, but it’s hard. Hearing McCoys blame me like that…” He shook his head again.

“He didn’t mean it. There’s no way he meant it. He was just drunk and sad. I’m sure he’s struggling with every

thing just like you are.”

“I know, but hearing him say that turned me into a different person. I became my worst nightmare. I never want to feel that way again.” His eyes filled with tears and he lowered his head.

I pulled him in for a hug, holding him tightly and wishing I could take away every ounce of his pain.

“Alicia?” He gently pushed me away to look into my eyes. “I came here to explain myself. To tell you what happened last night—but that’s not all. There’s something else I wanted to say.”

The look on his face made my stomach flip nervously. “What is it?”