I swallowed again. “Can I come in?” I asked in a small voice.
Wordlessly, he stepped back and allowed me to enter.
“Where’s Garrett? How is he?” I asked walking past cautiously.
“On the couch,” Tucker answered. “He’s fine. Poor kid is suffering from one of those 24-hour bugs.”
I headed straight for the living room and immediately rushed to Garrett’s side. I set down the bag I carried and knelt beside him, my hands carefully hovering over him so that he would not wake. He felt warm, but looked peaceful, so I didn’t want to disturb him just yet. A light blanket was thrown over him and his chest rose and fell gently.
“He fell asleep almost as soon as we got here. I woke him up to eat lunch and gave him another dose of the medicine in the bag. He watched television for a few minutes but then went right back to sleep. He’s been sleeping most of the time.”
I listened while meticulously eyeing Garrett’s every feature, searching for anything that might be off. “The medicine just makes him drowsy, that’s all. Plus, he tends to sleep a lot when he’s sick. He‘ll be fine though,” I answered without looking away from my son.
Our son.
I pushed his hair back and kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment.
A heavy silence filled the room, the only sound being Garrett’s gentle breathing.
Steeling myself, I moved my eyes toward Tucker, who continued to stand like an imposing mountain at the entrance of the room.
For a moment, I swore his expression softened. But in the blink of an eye, he looked just as cold as ever, and I was left thinking I had imagined it.
“I think…we need to talk,” I said quietly, my eyes cast downward on the floor. My face felt warm with shame.
Tucker’s eyebrow rose, exasperated. “Follow me,” he said and turned without waiting for my response.
I watched his back as he headed to his bedroom.
Giving Garrett one last look, I took a deep breath and followed Tucker.
Inside the bedroom, I briefly looked around and noticed that it had all the essentials –a bed, dresser, and nightstand – but like the rest of the apartment, it lacked any true personality. Tucker had obviously moved in just recently and hadn’t made any efforts to decorate yet.
I turned to him and saw that he had pushed the door almost closed, leaving just a crack to give us privacy, but to also be able to hear Garrett in case he needed us.
“What the fuck, Anna?” he said, breaking the silence. “Why? Why did you keep this from me? You had no right! Absolutely no right.”
I swallowed, pushing back the sudden prick of tears I felt forming. I’d expected his anger but hadn’t anticipated his hurt. And his sorrow was worse than I could have ever imagined.
I couldn’t stand the fact that I had hurt him; it was like a knife through my own heart.
My voice was croaked when I spoke. “I was going to tell you. Please believe I never meant for so much time to pass before I did. I…I just screwed up. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Tucker…Sorry doesn’t even cut it.”
“When were you going to tell me, Anna?” he spat angrily. “When he was in his twenties and I had completely missed him growing up? What the fuck did you think you were accomplishing by keeping my own flesh and blood from me? Think long and hard before you answer me because your answer better be fucking good or God help you…”
I shuddered and my breath caught in my throat. I had never heard Tucker so angry before. I didn’t know what to say. I had no response. He was absolutely right. I had no right in keeping his son from him…
All of my previous reasoning no longer seemed valid. But as he stared at me, demanding an answer, I knew I had to say something.
“You…you were gone, Tucker. I…I told you we needed to talk when you were back in town, but you never responded. I wanted to tell you in person, but the opportunity never came and…And this…This—having a kid—was something we had never discussed before. It was something we had been taking active measures to prevent, but still…It just happened. I didn’t know how you would respond. I didn’t know what to tell you…I didn’t know what to do…Just please don’t…Don’t do this to me. I feel horrible enough as it is.”
I tried to keep my voice low. Our son laid only a few feet away and I had no desire to have him awake to two screaming adults.
Tucker must have had the same idea because his tone remained subdued despite the fury in it. “Don’t do this to you? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You? You think you’re the one hurting right now?”
My shoulders hunched, as if I could shrink away from him.
I understood his anger. I truly did. But this was too much…