Reckless Hero

“And you will, just not right now.” I made my voice firm and Garrett settled down with a pout.

I went over to where his bag was on the table and shouldered it. I then turned to Tucker. “Is all his stuff in here?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, looking at me with that cold expression again.

I turned away from it and went back to Garrett, lifting him in my arms. “Say goodbye to Tucker. You’ll see him again soon,” I said.

“Very s

oon,” Tucker interjected.

Once we were out the door, it closed behind us with such finality that I felt like I had just gotten my heart broken all over again.

“What's the matter, Mommy? You look sad,” Garrett said as I buckled him into his car seat. He touched my cheek, bringing my attention to the tear that had rolled down my cheek. I hadn’t even noticed I was crying.

“There must be something in the air. I’m okay,” I lied, quickly wiping the moisture away. My cheeks hurt from the awkward smile I gave him. “Everything’s fine.”

Yet, as I drove away from Tucker’s apartment, I knew this was far from over.

CHAPTER 19

Tucker

I paced my apartment long after Anna and Garrett left.

I had watched her taillights disappear and fought the urge to call them back. There was so much we still needed to discuss. So much I felt.

For her.

For him.

I also knew Anna and I needed some alone time to hash things out the right way.

The turbulent mixture of emotions made it impossible for me to sit still, especially when it felt like the walls of the apartment were closing in on me.

It didn’t take long to admit to myself what the real issue was. I missed them – both of them - and not even a half hour had passed since they’d left.

I still couldn’t believe that Anna had kept such a vital information from me. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I could see her point fof view.

I had mentally tapped out after my father’s death. It was like hitting an emotional wall I couldn’t climb over no matter how hard I tried.

Or how hard she tried.

Dad and I had never had a great relationship, and I had been resentful of the fact that he was often gone for so long due to his military involvement. To me, it felt like his squad was more his family than we were, and I was jealous.

With his death though, I felt that I had to follow in his footsteps. To see what he saw. To do what he did. To feel what he felt.

To understand why he chose his country over me and my mother…

In the end, this desire had made me turn away from the woman I loved, unknowingly at a time when she needed me most.

I knew all my anger wasn’t really directed at Anna. Some of it was directed at my God damned self. I didn’t regret my time of service, but I shouldn’t have left things with Anna the way I had. It was just that at the time, my mind had been void of anything else except for my need to be like my dad. In the process, I had abandoned everything else.

So was Anna right then? Had I been in a mental space that prevented me from being the best father I could have been to Garrett?

Would I have tried to come back to be part of his life if I had known about him, or would I have done just as my father had?

All the evidence pointed to me having done just as my father had.