Reckless Hero

Which meant I didn’t really have the right to punish Anna for taking what she felt was the best course of action.

There was really no use thinking about what could have been now though. The past was the past, and it couldn’t be changed.

Feeling the need to clear my head, I threw on a hoodie and some sneakers to go for a run.

As my feet hit the pavement in a rhythmic but punishing stride, I couldn’t help noticing the parents and guardians minding their kids. It was something I hadn’t focus on before, but now their pairings were glaringly obvious.

I saw kids smiling and talking animatedly. Running. Skipping. Laughing. Radiant in their innocence.

There was even one kid throwing a tantrum on the sidewalk of the park, leaving his mother looking embarrassed and rueful.

I wanted to experience all those moments with my own son - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I wanted to take him for hikes through the park and teach him to ride a bike. I wanted to take him out for ice-cream and learn what his favorite foods were. I wanted to cheer him on when he excelled and help him dust himself off when he failed.

I wanted to be a part of my son's life in every possible way, no matter what I felt for his mother.

Anna.

Jesus, I was lying to myself if I said that even in my anger I didn’t want to be close to her. Because I did. I wanted her and Garrett and me to be something special.

Something like a family.

I returned to my apartment once it was dark outside and long passed the time kids should be out on the streets. I immediately headed for the shower and let the warm water do its work on my overheated muscles.

Later, I ordered a pizza and bit into the first slice while throwing back a beer. I watched television with the volume on mute as I watched Garrett’s favorite cartoon character throw webs and swing his way across the city.

Suddenly, I wanted to talk to Anna, needing to hear her tell me Garrett was okay.

It was already after 10 o’clock, but still, I couldn’t stop my fingers from dialing her number.

She answered on the second ring. “Hello?” she said hesitantly, sounding like she was already in bed. My mind instantly went to the gutter, imagining her in nothing but my t-shirt, waiting for me to do naughty things to her body…

I grew hard and I had to forcibly suppress the image to keep my body under control.

“Hi, Anna,” I said, also sounding hesitant. Now that her voice was ringing in my ear, I’d almost forgotten what I had called for.

“Is something wrong?” she asked when the silence stretched too long.

I shook my head to clear the webs. “Uh, no. Everything’s fine. I just called to check in with you guys. How's Garrett doing? Did he settle down okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Kids get sick. It’s not the first time he’s come down with a bug. I doubt it’s serious, but I’ll book an appointment with his pediatrician tomorrow just to make sure…Would you like to come?”

“Of course,” I said, practically jumping at opportunity to see Garrett again. And Anna. “I would love to come.”

“I’ll call you when I know the details then. And I’ll keep you updated on how he is in the meantime.”

“Great. Thanks,” I said before my mind flatlined.

There was rustling on the line, like Anna was moving in her sheets.

The erotic image popped into my head again and my pants tented.

“He couldn’t stop singing your praises,” Anna said, interrupting the pause. “You’ve made quite the impression on him. He really likes you. That’s a good sign that things will work out, I think.”

Talk of developing a relationship with my child dampened my lust, making me want to focus on working things out with Anna instead imagining what color panties she had on.

“I would love that—for things to work out,” I said. “I want to have a relationship with him. I have to admit though, I’m scared of what it means to be a father. I don’t know how to be one, and I don’t want to make any mistakes.”