Finally meeting my worried gaze, he doesn’t smile, but he does start talking and I wonder when I’m going to get my Ryder back—he sounds so tormented.
“I met Brittany six and a half years ago. It was at a club not far from base and I thought it would be just one night. We had a one-night stand . . . but the one night turned out to be my worst nightmare. I came back from a training exercise to find her waiting. She told me that she was pregnant and the kid was mine. I laughed in her face when she told me.”
Fear clutches at my heart as I listen. Not only is he married, but he has a kid—the resemblance to my mom’s situation is terrifying.
He continues, “I was taken completely off guard considering I’d worn a condom, it was
gut reaction to laugh at her and tell her she was wrong. She called me a few choice names, some of which, I probably deserved . . . I finally agreed to go out for coffee with her. Of course the question on my tongue was, ‘is she sure that I was the father’ and of course, her answer was yes.
“I’m not a complete idiot and I asked around, but no one had seen her with anyone but me for months. I’d planned on having a paternity test done as soon as the baby was born . . .”
Chapter Five
Ryder
God, what the fuck is Dahlia thinking about me as I tell her what a callous bastard I am? She hasn’t said anything yet, but I’ve no doubt she’ll have loads of questions once I’ve finished my screwed up tale.
Sighing, I carry on, “Of course I did the right thing and eventually agreed to marry her. My father insisted we have a prenuptial agreement drawn up to protect us both . . . I also insisted that there was a clause added to the effect; if I discovered the child wasn’t mine after it was born, then she’d grant me a divorce. She didn’t like that, but agreed.”
I drop my head back into my hands since I can’t bear to see her reaction when I finish. “Needless to say, the weeks leading up to the wedding weren’t a walk in the park. It was a friggin’ nightmare. I never slept with her again, I just felt cold inside. As though I was dying. The day we got married, she collapsed during the reception her parents had insisted we have. She was rushed to the hospital and we were told that she’d gone into a coma. After numerous tests, and Gods knows what else, they told us they thought it was a severe reaction to the birth control pill she’d been prescribed.”
Dahlia gasps and I look up to see her eyes wider than I’ve ever seen them.
“Yeah. She was supposed to be pregnant, so why was she on birth control? That was my first question. Apparently, the doctor had no recollection of her ever being pregnant. They even did additional testing to make sure she wasn’t in the first trimester. Later, one of her friends admitted she’d used the sonogram from a client’s file at the OB’s office where she worked to show me our so called baby. I wanted to kill the bitch.”
Every time I think about the pain she’s caused me, I want to cause her harm. I’ve never laid my hands on a woman in anger but I’d sure love to throttle Brittany. Even after all these years, I feel the same anger over the lie. How much of my life has she stolen with her lie? Not that I’d ever admit that to anyone because they’d think I’d finally lost it.
“She came out of the coma after a few days. The doctor told us that this kind of reaction very rarely happens, but she was one of the unlucky ones. Her parents have paid for her care at their home since she was released from the hospital. What it comes down to is, the reaction caused her to have a major stroke. She lost the use of most of her body, apart from her right arm and neck. She permanently has a foul mouth and it takes a lot to not strangle her when I do visit on her birthday . . . She wanted a Marine husband, and got one.”
I lean forward in the chair and fight the urge to pace. Brittany had captured me as easily as a cat caught a mouse and I’d fallen for it. She was a Marine’s wife. “The only reason I’m still married to her is out of respect for my parents. I was so angry and pissed when I found out we’d all been deceived by her. I wanted to find a judge and get an annulment, but my mom stopped me. She’s a devout Catholic and wouldn’t hear anything about it, regardless of my feelings on the matter.” I run my hand through my hair and lean back—I just can’t get comfortable. “I threw myself into my service. Every assignment that came up, I took it and gained a reputation for taking the shit assignments. Pretty soon, I was gone ninety percent of the time and no one was sure if I’d make it home alive. For me, it was a way to lose myself and not be available for her or even for me. When I finally retired, I allowed time to escape me, until I met you.” I meet her gaze and won’t let her look away from me.
“You brought me back to life, Dahlia. You make me want a life that has you in it. I want to be free to be with you. I’d never ask you to have an affair with me because I want so much more, and for the first time in six years I have the courage to do something about my screwed up life. I’m prepared to do anything, if it means I get to have you in my life . . . in my bed, for a very long time.”
The energy drains from my body completely and I feel ready to go back to bed now that I’ve admitted to her about what an idiot I was back then. If I hadn’t been so damn honorable, then I wouldn’t be in this mess.
Dahlia is so quiet sitting opposite me, and I watch her swipe at the tears on her face. My heart aches.
Unable to just sit and watch her cry, I drop to my knees and crawl around the coffee table to get to her. When I’m right in front of the sofa, I stand and lift her into my arms. I turn and drop down onto the sofa I’ve just pulled her from and cuddle her close.
Dahlia wraps her arms around my neck and burrows deeper against me. She feels amazing and I don’t want to ever let her go.
After a few minutes, her tears start to slow, the sobs shaking her body lessen and then she’s quiet.
“Are you all right?” I whisper, as I gently move the hair that’s fallen into her face over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Ryder. I had no idea that was your past. I thought she might have been in prison, but I guess she is in a way. And even though you’re married in name only, that’s the reason why you haven’t done anything to move forward with me, right?”
I nod while cupping her face in my hands. “I can’t carry on the way I have been doing. I need to finally get the balls to do something for myself for a change.”
“Won’t that cause problems with both your families? And will she agree to a divorce?” Dahlia bites her top lip, which always drives me crazy, as she worries about everyone but herself.
Getting a boner right now would be damn inconvenient, so with that thought it mind, I use my thumb and caress along her bottom lip before moving to the top to gently pull it from between her teeth.
Dahlia inhales sharply. I quickly glance into her eyes and meet her lust filled gaze.
You can’t follow through until you’re free and clear—it’s unfair.
I pull her against my chest so I can’t see her while I try to get us back on track. I’m just unsure what else I can say to assure her that I’m serious about being with her. The last thing I want is for her to think I’m bullshitting her with what I think she wants to hear.