I picked up the phone and dialed Ian’s extension.
“Yes, Seth?”
“If it’s okay, I might take some time,” I said, hesitating.
“Of course it is. Just keep in touch, okay?”
***
I stood at her door, turning the package over in my hands. What if she still refused to see me? She wasn’t doing well, I knew that from Deb. I was so worried about her, and I felt so helpless. Taking a deep breath, I rapped on the door.
Nobody answered. I glanced around. I couldn’t imagine she would’ve gone anywhere. Deb said she wasn’t even getting out of bed. I knocked again. Still no answer. I lifted my arm and felt above the door frame for the spare key I knew Andy had left there. I sighed, relieved, as my fingers grasped the cold metal.
I walked inside. The apartment was quiet—quiet enough for me to wonder if she was even home, but from what Deb had told me, she hadn’t been leaving the house. I crept down the hallway to her room. My heart sank when I saw her. Lying in bed, asleep, her hair tangled and her face so pale.
I didn’t want to wake her on the off chance that she hadn’t been sleeping. I walked back out and sat down on the sofa, crossing my leg over my knee with the package in front of me.
No matter how ordinary she’d looked, just the sight of her had my heart racing. I’d wait all day for her if I had to.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Emily
I jumped as I walked into the living room and saw Seth sitting there. Instinctively, I tightened my robe as he looked up, his eyes meeting mine. It hurt so much seeing him, because seeing him made me remember. And I couldn’t. It hurt too much.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, clearing my throat.
He picked up a neatly wrapped package that sat on the coffee table in front of him.
“I wanted to give you this. It arrived at work today.” He paused, glancing back up at me. “It’s from Andy.”
My eyes widened. I sank onto the sofa, feeling as though I’d been hit in the stomach. Seth held the package out to me. I took it, examining the writing on the front. His writing. My name.
With shaking hands I unwrapped the package, careful not to damage the scrawl of writing. Two things fell into my lap: a small pink box and a letter with ‘Read me first’ scrawled across the front. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I opened the letter.
Emsky,
Firstly, stop crying. I know you well enough to know that’s exactly what you’d be doing right now. Smile because we got to spend some amazing years together, don’t cry for what we missed out on.
From the moment I saw you, I knew you were the girl for me. Everything about you exuded confidence and excitement. I lost count of the number of times I fell asleep with your name on my lips, your smile in my memory.
The day you became mine was the best day of my life. I couldn’t believe that I had managed to snare you. I felt like I’d somehow fooled you into loving me, and that at any minute you’d realize how much better you could do than me. But you didn’t. For whatever insane reason, you were as into me as I was you.
Now I want you to open the box.
I set the letter down in my lap and reached for the box, wiping the tears from my eyes. A delicate white ribbon tied into a perfect bow sat on top of the glossy, light pink colored top. Taking hold of an end, I pulled until it unraveled and floated from my hands to the floor.
My hands shook as I lifted the lid. Inside sat a bracelet. Looped onto the fine silver band were a series of beautiful pink and silver charms. I examined each one, rolling them gently between my forefinger and thumb.
“Oh God,” I whispered, sobbing. The bracelet was the most precious thing I’d ever seen—even more so because it was from Andy. Holding it, I felt close to him. He would’ve been the last person to touch these delicate little charms.
With the bracelet firmly grasped in my palm, I picked up the letter.
I hate the thought of us missing out on so much. There are so many things I wanted to experience with you. This is my way of playing a small part of that. Each charm represents a milestone in your life—things I so badly wish I could be there to experience with you: your wedding day, the birth of your first child.
In a small way, now I’ll be right there with you through each of these things. Please don’t be sad, Em. Think of all the wonderful times we had, and all the amazing things you still have to look forward to in your life. Most of all, let your heart love again. If that is the only thing you do for me, then I will have died happy.
You deserve everything in the world, Emsky. You cared for me every second of my illness. I never once felt alone, or afraid, with you by my side. You put me first, just as you have since the beginning. Now it’s time to put Emily first.