Sometimes I thought about how different things would have been if he’d never gotten sick; if he were still here with us. How could I be so in love with Seth and still comprehend loving Andy if he were still around?
We pulled up out front of Andy’s parents’ house. It hadn’t changed at all over the months. It felt so weird being back there, and not knowing what to expect made it even more nerve-wracking.
“Are you ready?” Seth asked, reaching for my hand.
I nodded. As ready as I was going to get, anyway. We got out and walked up the driveway up to the front door. With every step, a new wave of anxiety washed over me.
I held Seth’s hand tightly as he rang the doorbell. The few seconds it took for Deb to open the door felt like years. She smiled, so I smiled back. Was I supposed to hug her? Shake her hand? I stood there awkwardly, wishing I knew how to act.
She ushered us inside. “Thanks for coming.”
“What’s this about?” Seth piped up. He clutched my hand. He was worried about me, and I liked how protective he was being. We followed Deb into the living room and sat down.
She cleared her throat. “Firstly, I want to apologize. One, I shouldn’t have invaded your space like that, and two, I didn’t know the full story.”
“Full story?” I repeated, confused.
She nodded. “It took me a long time to watch through the videos you left me,” she said, looking at Seth. “But I did that today.” She held up a disc. “Do you mind if I play this for you?” she asked.
I glanced at Seth, who shrugged.
We sat down on the sofa as Deb loaded the disc into the player. Why did I suddenly feel so sick? My heart ached as Andy’s smiling face filled the screen.
“Mom. Firstly, I want to say I love you. Thanks to you and Dad for being amazing parents, not only to me, but to Em, too. You have no idea how much your love and support means to her. Which brings me to the whole point of this video.” He glanced down, his lips pressed into a straight line. “See, I’m dying. I’ve fought hard, but this damn disease is going to beat me. But before it does, I’m going to do my damn best to make sure two of the people I love most in this world find each other.”
I glanced at Seth, my mouth hanging open in shock. When had he done this? From how well he looked, it had to have been a few weeks before our trip. Seth shrugged, looking as confused as I was.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but my best friend has been pining over this girl for the last fourteen years. I get it. I mean, she’s pretty hot. But he never made a move because he cared too much about my happiness. And Em . . .” He laughed and shook his head, staring directly down the lens of the camera. “What can I say about Em? She’s put me first for so long that this is the only way I can think of to repay her.”
He glanced down, wetting his lips before continuing.
“So this is what I’m going to do: everything in my power to help them find each other. I want to die knowing that the girl I love is going to continue to be loved. I wish so bad that it was me who was getting to grow old with her, but it’s not. Life sucks, and Em has suffered enough. I know it’s going to be hard for you to understand, but please, Mom, please promise me you will try. You’ve lost me, please don’t lose them too.” He smiled at the screen. “I love you.”
Deb stood up and ejected the disc. Her eyes were red and wet. So were mine.
“I’ve watched this about twenty times now,” she admitted, wiping her eyes. “And every time I feel like I’ve let him down by shutting you out.”
I stood up and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.
She began to sob. “I’m sorry, Em. I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, it’s okay.” I glanced at Seth over her shoulder. He smiled at me, and right away I knew he was proud of me. “We understand, Deb. We really do. I’m just so glad to hear from you.”
She pulled away from me and smiled, pushing her blonde hair from her eyes. “We have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?” she whispered.
“We do,” I smiled.
***
Seth took my hand and pulled me into his arms. After spending the afternoon with Deb, we were back at my house—really our house, considering how much time he’d been spending there.
I giggled as his arms curled around my back, sneaking up under my skirt, his fingers brushing over my bare skin. I shivered, leaning up to kiss him.
“I love you, Em. I really fucking love you,” he said, his voice husky. His lips found mine again in another deep kiss. “I feel like the luckiest man in the world.”
“I love you too,” I smiled, drinking in his kisses.
When I fell in love with Andy, I thought that life could not get any better. I’d been through so much with losing my parents, but somehow, we had found something so wonderful and so rare—an unconditional love for each other.