After a while, I nodded. “I’m…No, I feel like shit, but that’s to be expected, hey?” I mumbled.
“Do you want me to take you home? Or one of your other places?” Alex asked as he started the car.
“Home. I need to feed the cat,” I mumbled, gazing out the window.
“I can go and feed him if you don’t—”
“I need to go where I feel closest to her, and right now that’s home,” I cut in, my voice harsh. Immediately, I felt bad. “Look, I’m sorry,” I added, sighing. “I don’t know what I need right now.”
“Don’t be sorry. Do what you need to do. Let it out. Yell. Scream. Cry. Whatever you feel, just let it out,” Alex said. We drove in silence, but there was nothing awkward about it. I didn’t feel obligated to try and fill it with mindless chatter, and Alex didn’t either.
We arrived home to a very vocal Mr. Jefferies. The poor thing had been left alone for three days. He must have been starving. He rubbed up against Alex’s leg, ignoring me as if he were trying to punish me for not being around.
“I’ll feed him. Where is his food?” Alex asked.
“In the cupboard above the dishwasher,” I muttered, walking over toward the shelf that housed my scotch. I sighed as I popped open the top. Only four bottles left. I was running low. I could feel Alex’s gaze burning into me, so I turned my body slightly to block him out. That’s better. Now I can drink myself into a stupor without judgment.
I opened the sliding door to the balcony and walked out, shutting it behind me, mindful of Mr. Jefferies. Not that he’d stray from his food bowl for the next half-hour, but I didn’t trust him not to leap off the balcony while trying to chase a bird.
Walking over to the stone wall, I leaned against it, gazing out across the view. I was vaguely aware of the drops of rain falling from the grey sky before hitting my head and running down my neck. Balancing the bottle on the wall, I heaved myself up onto the stone and swung my legs over the edge. I sat there, staring down.
Seven stories high looked much more frightening when you were sitting on the edge peering down. I leaned forward. The grassy covered area that overlooked the outdoor pool was directly beneath me. I wondered if falling from seven stories was high enough to kill me.
Knowing my luck, I’d end up a quadriplegic.
The sliding door opened as Alex joined me. He didn’t speak. Instead he walked up to the edge and glanced over.
“Thinking of jumping?” he asked eventually.
“Why not?” I asked, shrugging. “The only thing stopping me right now is I am not convinced it will do the job.” I reached for the bottle and took a mouthful. I handed it to Alex. He accepted, and took a sip.
“You know no matter how shit everything looks at the moment, you have a lot to live for,” he said, his words laced with emotion. Was he serious?
I laughed. “Like what? My amazing career? My loving family? Or maybe you’re talking to the friend I can’t look in the eye. The one I wish just hated me just as much as I hate myself right now.”
“You have me,” Alex said simply.
I sighed. “You’re half a world away from me, Alex.”
“Then change that. Come to the U.S. You can live with me until you get back on your feet.”
I looked at him. Was he serious? I couldn’t just pack up and leave for the U.S., could I?
“I can’t just leave,” I said glumly.
“What’s keeping you here?” he asked. That was a good question. Everything either reminded me of Belle or the person I used to be. It’s not like Dad would care. As far as I was concerned, Alex was my only family.
“What about Mr. Jefferies?” I asked. Alex looked confused, then began to laugh.
“You’re only concern about packing up and leaving the country is your cat?” he chuckled. “He can come too.”
The idea was tempting. I could start afresh in a new place, where nobody knew me.
“I’ll think about it.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Are you ready?” Alex asked. I glanced around my now bare flat. Everything I owned was on its way to the U.S., including my very unhappy cat.