The irony of this whole thing was the number of times I had wanted to go there after we had fixed our friendship, only for Claire to stop me because she didn’t want to mess up things for Maddie. For a young child to have a mom and a dad who could actually stand to be in the same room as each other was a rare thing.
When Claire cheated on me, I know many people felt I’d forgiven her too quickly. What they didn’t understand was there was a reason for that. Claire and I had met only shortly after my father died. I was a different person back then to the guy I am today. The old Simon hated opening himself up because that made you vulnerable to being hurt. I’d been hurt enough in my life to know I didn’t like it. In the year before our marriage ended, I went through a phase of depression which I dealt with by working myself into the ground and drinking.
Claire and I weren’t communicating at all, mom was struggling to care for Leila. Everything built up and I coped by hiding myself away. Claire coped by falling into my best friends bed. No, I didn’t make her do it, but I sure as hell made it impossible to live with me.
Em had asked me plenty of times about my relationship with Claire. There had been hundreds of perfect opportunities to tell her the full story, but every time I had chickened out. The more time that went by the harder it became to tell her. In the end, I’d convinced myself it was a part of my past that she didn’t need to know.
If I could slip so badly off the rails once, then what’s to say it won’t happen again? The thought terrified me.
What terrified me even more was the little voice in the back of my head kept asking the same question, over and over.
Why was it, that for the briefest, tiniest millisecond, I had kissed her back?
Chapter Thirty
Emma
Simon glanced at me and reached for my hand. God it felt good to be leaving the hospital. We had both been surprised when the doctor said I could go home. Any symptoms at all and I had to call an ambulance right away. Glancing over the list of possible signs of another clot made me feel sick. I crumpled up the sheet and shoved it into my bag.
I glanced over my shoulder at Mirabella, who was fast asleep. All she seemed to do was sleep, though Simon had chuckled when I’d pointed that out to him, telling me to wait until I spent a night with her.
Though he hadn’t said anything, I got the feeling Simon was being cautious of my mood swings. Even though the doctor had said they were normal following my type of injury, they still scared the hell out of me. What if I had one when I was alone with Mirabella? I hated to think I could ever be capable of hurting her, but to say it didn’t make me anxious would be a lie.
Had Simon thought about it? Had he arranged this time off because he didn’t trust me being alone with our baby? I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, but they kept creeping back in.
“Em?”
I glanced at Simon.
“Are you okay? Where did you go just then?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know…Do you regret any of this? Us? You didn’t exactly sign up for all this,” I said, waving my hand around.
“All what?” he asked, confused.
“This. Me. The baby.”
“Em, I’ve had months to get used to the idea of having a baby with you, so you can get that idea out of your head right now. And secondly, if I had any doubts about being with you I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me.”
“Hold on, what? Marry? We’re engaged?” I asked, incredulous. How the hell did I not remember something like that?
“Yes,” Simon said, surprised. “Sorry, it should’ve occurred to me that you wouldn’t have remembered that either,” he apologized.
“How? I mean, how did you propose?” I asked softly.
“On your balcony one night after we’d made love, I proposed. You said yes and there was more, let’s just say, fireworks,” he said dryly, a smirk evident on his face.
I blushed. “Was it romantic?” I asked.
“The love making or the proposal?” he ducked as I swatted him.
“The proposal you idiot,” I giggled.
“Very,” Simon smiled. “Could you imagine me being anything but romantic?” he asked dryly. I laughed. This is what I missed, the light and airy moments. If I’d felt as though things were moving fast before, they were moving at lightning speed now. In my mind, I’d known Simon for only weeks, now we were engaged and with baby. That was pretty heavy, even by my standards.
Simon pulled up in front of a house I didn’t recognize.
“Are we visiting someone?” I asked confused. The last thing I felt like doing was visiting. All I wanted to do was go home with my baby and relax.