He refuses to look at me, even when I drape myself over his back, our nakedness barely a distraction now. The contact of skin to skin soothes more than arouses.
‘The woman at the fire reminded me of Cat. And you,’ he adds. ‘She was young.’
‘I’m sorry you lost her.’
He shrugs, but it’s more of a reflexive action than a real response. ‘Shit happens.’ I try to think of something to say, but to my surprise he speaks first. ‘She probably had plans for her life. Things she wanted to do. Maybe a guy she wanted to go home to.’
He turns his face to me, his stubble rough against my cheek. ‘The fire was bad. We had a hard time getting her out,’ he says bluntly. ‘And after we were out of the building, all I could think about was how much I’d hate leaving you behind if something went wrong.’
‘Oh, Jake—’
Neither of us is prepared for this kiss. It’s too slow, too tender. And he’s not the one who started it. I’m the one who pulls back first.
He doesn’t move from his spot on the edge of my bed. ‘I should go.’
Every part of my brain screams I should cut him loose and deal with
the fallout at a session with Doctor Blathe later. Instead, I tell him, ‘You don’t have to.’
‘Yeah, I do. Or I’ll do something stupid.’
‘Like what?’
His jaw flexes. His hands clench into fists. But he holds my eyes when he says, ‘Like say I love you.’
***
I don’t give a shit that Maya’s staring at me like I’ve sprouted a dick on my forehead. I’m done with these games. I’m too tired, too confused to keep telling myself to hold it in. She wanted to see me lose control? Well, that’s what she’s going to get.
‘I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know why it happened. I just know that you’re freaking hot, the sex is incredible, and I don’t have time to pretend. I love you.’
She still hasn’t spoken. For the first time in the entire time I’ve known her, she’s silent.
I push ahead anyway. I’d rather get it all out there than try to read her. She’s an actress, for God’s sake. That’s a battle I’d never win.
‘I want to tell Catherine about us. I want to go out on dates with you. In public. Where people can see us together. And I want to have sex on every surface of your apartment and almost every surface of my house. I want you to come to barbeques with the crew and go to your boring performances so I can beat up the guy who gets to kiss you on stage afterward at the cast party. Most of all, I want to figure out what it’ll take to hear you call me a good guy again. Because I swear to God, that’s what I’ll be if you say yes.’
Still no movement. No speech. But no retreat.
Her hand trembles when I take it in mine. I press kisses along her knuckles, savouring the soft, sweet taste of her skin. ‘Take a risk on me, Maya. I swear you won’t regret it.’
‘I … we …’
My hands cup her face and our lips meet. She sighs against my mouth, melting into my embrace. This. Every night from now on. I don’t care how long it takes her to figure that out. It’ll be worth it.
The sunlight’s creeping past the blinds.
‘Come to breakfast,’ I urge. ‘Talk to me. Just give me a chance.’
Her mouth works for a moment, then I hear the word I want. ‘Okay.’
‘Good.’ I release her and stand so I can drag my jeans on. There are 24-hour restaurants around. We can find one. ‘I’ll just call Cat and let her know I’ll be home in a few hours.’
‘Okay.’ Again, the word is soft, but this time there’s a little more strength behind it.
I turn on my phone, bracing myself for the alerts that are bound to be waiting. Maya’s pulling on a lace thong and a soft skirt when the screen finally comes up.
‘Cat texted me about twenty times,’ I mutter as I quickly scroll through her messages. But the notification still remains.