‘She was worried,’ Maya says.
I head back to the message menu and see Maya’s number.
‘You texted me?’ I ask her.
She freezes. ‘What?’
‘I’ve had your number since you and Cat were roommates.’ I tap on her name and the message comes up. I have to read it twice, just to make sure I’m not losing my mind. ‘I can’t see you again.’
I look over at her. ‘That’s the first text you ever send me?’
She’s ashen, horrified. ‘Oh, God. Jake, that was before—’
‘Before I said I loved you?’
She flinches when I say those words. Humiliation burns through me, leaving a sick sinking in my gut. I’m not sure what hurts most—knowing she doesn’t want me, or knowing she’d already decided and still let me spill my guts.
‘Please, let me explain—’
‘Why? What could you possibly say to make this better?’
That familiar stubborn set of her brows warns I’m about to jump into a battle I’m not ready for. ‘I sent that last night. I saw the footage of the fire and I panicked.’
‘Which is why you texted me that you never wanted to see me again. Does that seem a little extreme to you?’ I’m aiming for neutral, but she clearly hears something in my voice that she doesn’t like because her eyes narrow.
‘Not really since I know I’ll never compete with your damn job and you’ll run to it every time instead of me. Even your sister can’t—’
I point at her, fury growing. ‘Don’t you dare bring Cat into this. This has nothing to do with her. And since when did you want me running to you?’
Her hands go up. ‘You’re right, Jake. Like always, you’re right. It’s my fault that you’re obsessed with your job and refuse to act like a normal human being.’
‘Nice job avoiding the question. And thank you for reminding me of the charming nickname you gave me. Tin man, wasn’t it?’ I try to smile, but I’m sure it’s more of a grimace. ‘So I’m not good enough for you to date, but I’m good enough for you to fuck in secret?’
‘I haven’t said I don’t want to date you!’
‘Or that you want to.’
The separation caused by the bed doesn’t seem nearly as wide as the gulf that’s risen up between us. And like an idiot, I still want to be with her. My pride wants me to walk out the door right now, but my feet don’t move. If I don’t try this, I’ll have another regret to add to my list. Time to grab life by the balls.
I take a few deep breaths before I begin. ‘Maya, there’s one thing I need to know. I’m willing to sort through the rest of this later, but I need this answer now. Do you want to be with me?’
One heartbeat. Two. Three.
If I wasn’t watching, I’d swear she wasn’t even breathing. ‘Please. I want a future after Cat graduates. I need a future. You convinced me of that. Do I have any hope that you want to be in it?’
I don’t know how long we stand there staring at each other, but when she finally speaks, the only thing she says is, ‘Jake, please—’
This is why losing control isn’t an option. It leads to moments like this, when I feel like the floor’s been ripped out from under my feet. I’ll have time to berate myself later. For now, there’s nothing left for me to do but turn and walk away.
Chapter 8
I never thought I’d be grateful to have my best friend leave town. But the benefit of Catherine being at her weeklong conference is the smaller chance of running into Jake. Somehow we managed to avoid each other for that painful week and a half before she left.
She’d invite me over to hang out before her trip and Jake would suddenly be called in to work. Or have to go on a run with Dallas. Or some other excuse he managed to make sound convincing. I can’t complain though since he made sure we never even saw a glimpse of each other in passing.
The firetruck parked outside my favourite coffee shop, the one that sits across the street from the college, gives me pause. Yes, I am that pathetic. Just the risk of seeing him makes me reconsider my need for a caffeine fix. But the engine number doesn’t match the ones I saw at his station, so I guess it’s okay.
My paranoia eases a little when I slip inside through the glass doors. The shop’s an eclectic hangout for many of the art students at the college due to its proximity to our buildings. The drone of various conversations mixes with the world beat music happily thumping in the background, occasionally drowned out by the steam venting from the machine or a blender mixing an iced drink.