Deviation

for two weeks.”

“You planned this behind my back?” Jack says nothing, and my feeble brain continues to process the information. “Who else knows about this?”

“Aiden and Shelby. She helped me pack for you.” A slow ticking pulse starts behind my eye. I suppose asking for a headache pill is out of the question right now.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you.” I feel betrayed.

“Right now or ever?” Jack takes the keys out of the ignition, staring ahead.

“I don’t know.” I feel numb. Jack pops the trunk and gets out of the car to grab my suitcase. Coming around to my side, he opens my door and reaches for my hand, but I pull away, angry and sullen.

5ctt

Jack

Well, I’ve really done it now. I drag her to her old home so she can see how far she’s come, but that falls apart. She might as well have been kicking and screaming, her quiet demeanor was so loud. Then I take her to a rehab facility, signing her in for two weeks, and now she hates me more than ever. Fleur assured me these reactions are normal, but are they really? Nothing feels normal, and sitting home alone doesn’t help.

I couldn’t handle losing Edith. Watching her slip away from me day by day, distracted and lost inside her own mind, kills me. Slowly, I am losing a part of myself, and I feared that neither of us would make it back to the other whole.

Dialing Fleur, she picks up right away. “I did it. I feel like shit, but I did it.”

“Jack, this is the hard part. Let her work things out while she’s there. The counseling and support will be good for her.”

“You didn’t see the look on her face when we signed all the consent papers. She doesn’t want to see me while she’s there.”

“So give her the privacy and dignity to do this, Jack. You can’t save her. Don’t be the white knight.”

“God, her face… I’m gutted.” I break down on the phone. Was I wrong? Did I make a bad decision?

She has to talk me out of going back there to bring her home. “It will get better, Jack, but give it time.”

Hanging up doesn’t feel better, even though I have everyone’s support in doing this.

Shelby has postponed leaving for Italy another week, and Aiden has been dropping by with names and addresses of on and off campus support groups.

We discuss our plan of what to do when Edith comes home. Sam called me and said she called him on her second day there and refused to testify. He is pissed, but what can I do? Sam blows up my phone with messages before giving up. He plans to proceed without Edith’s testimony, but the likelihood is that Daniel Munson will get off with a slap on the wrist.

I leave Edith a voicemail at the rehab center, telling her I am proud of her and that she needs to do what she feels is best. I want to drive down and visit, but Fleur advises me to wait it out and see if Edith will come around. Instead, I attend a support group for partners. Learning about her trauma and her coping skills is a start.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Edith

“I hate having to make adult decisions.” My brain hurts from the poison of reality swirling through the grey matter in my head.

“Yeah. What I wouldn't give to go back in time, my only worry being if I had enough cake mix for my Easy Bake Oven.”

Shelby puts her head on my shoulder and holds my shaking hand as we sit on hard orange plastic chairs inside the lobby. It’s Family Day at this hellhole, and the only person I have on my list of visitors is Shelby. I’m not ready to see Jack or Aiden yet, but Shelby wouldn’t have taken no for an answer. I think about how vastly different our lives must have been growing up.

"Huh. You actually had one of those?" I always dreamed of the Barbie Makeup and Hair Salon set. How easily I forgot my childhood dreams while I was just trying to survive. Part of me was much like the sheriff of Nottingham from the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood. Crazy ass parents, a witch for a mother, and only partially sane himself.

I don’t realize I’ve said all that out loud until Shelby looks at me, chuckling. “Girl, you are not crazy. Besides, you are way cuter than that dude. I can’t help my hair envy for your Maid Marion locks.”

“Thanks,” I chuckle.

"You know, Edie, if we had been friends back then, I would have shared every damn cake that oven made. I'd have made sure you got the larger half. Those things tasted like shit anyway." Laughing, Shelby hugs me. Deep down, I know that no matter how I got to this point in my life, Shelby’s friendship is worth all the pain.

"I know you would, Shelby. I know." I sigh, waiting for the counselor to call us into another dreaded session of sharing old shit that shouldn’t matter, but they try to convince us that it does.