Agony like I’d never known speared me, straight through all the important bits, heart, stomach... fucking soul.
Twenty-Three
Riley
Sitting on the bathroom floor, my back against the shower stall door and Leon hovering over me, I blew out a breath and let my arms drop to my sides.
“Ri, I know how that sounded, but it’s not as bad as you’re thinking,” Leon said.
I raised my brows, shooting him the best sardonic glare I could muster.
He sank down beside me, scrubbing his hands over his face. “The fuck did I say condoms for?”
“Because it’s the truth,” I muttered, wearily.
He twisted his head. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he said, berating himself.
“Don’t feel bad for telling me the truth, Le. It’s better I know now, right? It would have been nice if he’d ended things with me first, but if that’s what he wants—”
“That’s not what he wants,” he interjected, not a hint of doubt in his voice.
“What?” I asked, head furrowing as I shifted to look at him.
He shrugged. “He’s not into it, Riley. He’s going through the motions.”
I rubbed my fingers over my forehead, trying to make sense of what he was telling me. “I don’t know what to say. I think… I think that makes it worse.”
“Nah, it doesn’t.” Assured blue eyes snagged mine, holding me there. “You know, I always knew how he felt about you. Long before he ever told me, I knew. And when he finally did tell me, I asked him whether you were worth our friendship. He told me I wouldn’t like his answer. Not once in fifteen years had we fought over a chick, but he fought for you, Ri.”
My lids shuttered against the tide of emotion welling inside of me. A tight knot of pain formed in my gut. I let my head fall back and ran my fingernails through the loose strands of hair, resisting the urge to tug.
“Doesn’t matter now, does it?”
His firm hand caught mine, gripping onto it before giving my fingers a gentle squeeze. “He’s crazy about you, Ri. Always has been. He hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off you since he hit puberty. I used to see the way he looked at you and wonder why the fuck he held back. I mean, I wasn’t complaining, but I couldn’t figure him out. He’d bring you up in conversation, ask about you, where you were. Half the time I don’t think he even realized he was doing it.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest, and my throat worked overtime to voice my thoughts. “But he’s with someone else tonight.”
Leon lowered his gaze, dropping his chin to rest on his bent knees. “Whatever stopped him from making his move back then, Ri, didn’t change the way he felt about you. My point is, he still looks at you the same way, still talks about you, asks about you, without knowing it. You’re in here.” He raised t
wo fingers and tapped them against his temple. Then he lowered them, spreading his hand out over his heart and bringing his eyes back to mine before adding softly, “And here. You always have been.”
My breath caught, warm moisture pricking my lids as my heart thundered behind my ribs. I couldn’t form words.
Using his palms, Leon pushed himself to his feet and stood, towering over me. His steady stare bore into mine.
“I shouldn’t have stood between you two. I acted like an asshole last year. I never apologized for that.”
I offered him a weak smile, my brain struggling to function. “Don’t worry about it.”
He thrust his arm out, offering his hand. Clutching it, I let him haul me up from the floor. He chucked my chin with his thumb and forefinger before mussing my hair a little.
“I love you, Ri. But not the way he does. And I think that might be because you never looked at me the way you look at him.”
My head fell forward, water tracking from my eyes. “I want to believe you, but he’s pushing me away.”
Leon sighed heavily. “He lost his brother and his dad a few weeks ago. They were the only family he had left. He let a bunch of guys kick the shit out of him just so he wouldn’t have to think about it or feel any of it. If you ask me, he’s doing the same thing right now. He’s scared because he feels too much. So, he’s trying to convince himself he doesn’t. Because then he won’t have to lose you, too.”
I frowned up at him. “But I’m right here. Waiting for him.”