Wasn't going to happen though. Almost as soon as my eyes opened, my stomach started to roil and churn. I felt the bile in my throat rising, and jumped out of bed, hoping to make it to the bathroom in time.
I dropped down onto the tile in front of the toilet a moment before everything I'd eaten in the last day came pouring out. I heaved and wretched, emptying everything in my belly into the bowl. My stomach tightened and lurched. Christ, I felt awful.
Finally sure that nothing else was coming up, I got to my feet and turned the sink on. I splashed cold water on my face several times, trying to wake myself up and put some color back into my cheeks.
As I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out what I ate that could have given me food poisoning, an unsettling thought stole over me.
“No,” I said to my alarmingly pale reflection. “It couldn't be. No way.”
There was no denying the fact though, that my breasts were a little swollen and suddenly very tender. I touched them gently, stunned by how sensitive they were – and it came on completely out of the blue.
I threw on a t-shirt and some jeans and bolted downstairs. Grayson was in the living room playing with my mom.
“Going somewhere?” my mom asked me.
“I just have to go down to the store to get a few things,” I said.
“Of course, dear,” she said. “We were just about to make some breakfast. Weren't we, Grayson?”
My little boy cheered and clapped his hands, giggling and smiling in a way that made my heart melt. He just looked so much happier sitting with my mom than he had back in San Diego. There was a life and vibrancy to him I couldn't deny.
“I'll be back in a few minutes,” I said.
***
An hour later, I was sitting on the toilet seat lid, tapping my feet, the knots in my stomach twisting and constricting painfully. My stomach was still roiling and churning, but not with nausea this time. No, this time it was with anticipation.
I read the little sheet of instructions I'd pulled out of the box again carefully, making sure I hadn't skipped any steps. It was mostly just to give myself something to do. Something to provide a little bit of a distraction for me.
This was the most agonizing few minutes of my life.
I buried my face in my hands, feeling like I might be sick with the stress of it all. I was scared. What would happen if I was? What was I going to do? Yeah, it had sounded like a good idea at the time, but the reality of the situation was so vastly different than the idea of it. Would this bring more problems into my circle of friends? How would Gabe react if I was pregnant with one of his brother's baby?
“Christ, what have I done?” I muttered to myself.
A soft knock sounded on the bathroom door. “You okay in there, Hadley?”
My mom's voice was slightly muffled through the door, but it still carried the power to make me cringe. I almost swept everything off the counter and into the trash can on instinct. Just like I had when I was a kid and didn't want my mom finding things.
“Yeah, I'm okay,” I said. “Just cleaning up a bit.”
“Okay,” she said. “I'm going to take Grayson down to the store with me, if that's okay? I promised him we'd make some cookies and I need to pick up a few things.”
“Of course,” I said. “Maybe I can help you guys bake them when you get back.”
“That would be wonderful, Hadley,” she said. “I know Grayson would enjoy it.”
“It's a date,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.
I listened to her footsteps retreating from the bathroom and buried my face in my hands again. I heard the sound of the front door closing.
“Please,” I said to whatever higher power might be listening. I wasn't sure I was ready for this. I wanted a baby, yes, but I honestly hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly. I said a silent prayer, unsure of whether I wanted it to be posi
tive or not. God, I so badly wanted a child. I'd be over-the-moon, but what would the Walkers think?
A few moments later, the alarm on my phone chirped and I looked up, a knot forming in my throat. The indicator sat on the edge of the sink. I didn't want to look at it, and yet I knew I had to. With a trembling hand, I reached out and picked it up, continuing to say a silent word of prayer. When I looked it, my heart went from my throat, down into the gaping pit that had suddenly opened up in my stomach. I suddenly felt like I might be sick.
I looked at the display and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. It was positive.