One More Time

“Only fifty dollars tonight,” she said.

Jesus. That was a short night too. I'd only spent a few hours at the bar and Chuck let me cut out early. I had a wad of bills in my hands and counted out the cash, throwing in a tip as well. It was painful to part with that kind of cash, but she was, after all, keeping my child alive for me while I was at work. It was the least I could do.

Beth was studying early childhood education at school, and as far as I knew, she didn't make a whole lot and college wasn't cheap. Figured a few extra dollars would help a lot – and maybe help keep her free in case I needed to call her last minute.

“Oh, one more thing,” Beth said, stopping in the doorway. “Aubree was a little warm earlier, but I couldn't tell if she had a fever or not. I couldn't find a thermometer.”

I ran a hand over my face. Dammit. I pulled out a few more bills and handed them to her.

“Do you mind picking one up for me?” I asked. “How much do they cost?”

“Not that much.”

Beth agreed to run my errand for me, and off she went to the corner CVS. I leaned my head against the front door and sighed. I'd never had to take care of anyone who was sick before – not even my mom. She never took a day off, even when she was sick, and always took care of me when I was younger.

I had absolutely no clue where to even start. If Aubree had a fever, what did that mean? Should I really be asking a nineteen or twenty-year old college student for parenting advice? It was late, too late to call almost anyone who'd have an answer. The only option I had was to go to the hospital or –

No, I couldn't call Hannah. Wouldn’t' call Hannah.

When Beth got back, I gave her more money for the inconvenience. Working in the service industry meant I knew how to tip, and she deserved it. I sent her on her way and read the directions for the thermometer. One good thing was that it wasn't one I'd have to insert anywhere uncomfortable. Well, the ear, sure, but that I could probably manage to handle.

I followed the instructions, waking Aubree up as I put

the thing in her ear. She stared at me, and I knew something wasn't right. I had no idea how I knew, but I know. There was something about her that was off. She just didn't look like she felt very well at all. Her skin was warm to the touch, and the temperature came back at 100.1.

I flipped through the tiny instruction manual, and it didn't tell me what that meant. I wasn't even sure I knew what a normal temperature was. With a baby in one hand and my phone in the other, I Googled to see what it meant and what I should do.

Aubree was getting annoyed with me, squirming, her cries sounding more pathetic than usual.

“I'm sorry, sweetie,” I muttered, bouncing her gently as I read WebMD.

My pulse raced, and I couldn't stop thinking the worst. I had no idea what was going on. She was so tiny, so fragile, and she felt warm. Her skin was slowly starting to turn a deep shade of red – although I wasn't sure if was from the crying or from something else.

I could go to the hospital, but I had no idea how much that would cost. Though, I knew it was going to cost more than I had. But, I had no insurance, no information on her medical history. I was lost there. What if this was all nothing? Did babies get colds? Was I just freaking myself out about something that was completely minor? I didn't know.

There was one person who would know, and it had been about two weeks since we'd last spoken.

“Fuck it,” I grumbled.

I hit the button for Hannah's number and prayed she was off work tonight – and hoping against all hope she wouldn't ignore the call just because it came from me.

She answered one the second ring. “Eli? Is everything okay?”

“Aubree has a fever,” I said. The crying was loud enough she could probably hear it over the phone. “I'm not sure what to do – I'm sorry to bother you.”

“No, don't be,” she said. “I'll be right over.”

“Even though it's nearly three in the morning?”

“Of course, Eli. I'm a nurse, it's what I do,” she said.

I didn't get a chance to thank her before she hung up but knowing that Hannah was on her way instantly made me stress less. She'd know what to do and would be able to help Aubree far better than I could.

Maybe it was because I wasn't as anxious, but Aubree also seemed to calm down a bit. She looked at me with wide, bright eyes, and then yawned. She calmed down enough to fall back asleep in my arms. Maybe it was true what they said about babies sensing our emotions and taking their cues from us. Maybe all that crying was her feeding off my stress.

Hell, or maybe there really was something wrong. I wasn't sure I trusted my instincts to figure it out – mainly because when it came to kids, I had absolutely zero instincts. But, Hannah would know. I had no doubt Hannah could tell me if I needed to go to the ER or pick up some medicine at CVS. As much as I hated calling on her like that, I was glad she was willing to come over.

At least for Aubree's sake, if nothing else.