One More Time

***

“The fever has already gone down,” Hannah said, resting her hand gently upon Aubree's forehead. “If it goes back up, or goes any higher, I'd rush her to the ER. Just to be safe. But she seems to be okay now.”

“Hannah, I'm sorry I called you all this way for nothing,” I grumbled.

“I'm glad you did, Eli. It shows you know when something is wrong with your daughter,” she said.

She turned to face me, and I couldn't help but notice the deep, dark circles around her eyes. It looked as if she hadn't slept in a while. Hell, that made two of us. Between working and caring for Aubree, I got very little sleep these days myself.

“Still, I should have handled it myself,” I grumbled.

I stared down at the sleeping baby, still feeling completely clueless when it came to anything about her. The fact that she was still alive after being in my care for the last couple of weeks, surprised me more than it should have. But, this was the first time in about two weeks since I'd asked anyone for any sort of help.

“You don't have to do this alone, Eli,” she said, her voice soft.

“I don't want to keep bothering you every time she sneezes,” I said as I gripped the edge of the crib so tightly, my knuckles were turning white. “I should know these things.”

“Everyone has to start somewhere,” she replied. “And, le's not forget that you were literally thrown into this parenting thing without an instruction manual or any sort of help. And, you had it dropped on you straight out of the blue. No wonder you feel like you're drowning.”

“I'm not drowning,” I scoffed and side-eyed me, forcing me to admit, “Okay, maybe I'm struggling a teensy-tiny, little bit. But we've been good for the last couple of weeks – I haven't left her on the roof of my car or anything like that. I consider that a win, at least.”

She chuckled to herself, but her arms were crossed in front of her chest, in a protective fashion. She'd made sure to keep her distance from me, and I wasn't going to push things. She'd been there when I needed her, now she was free to go. Except, she wasn't leaving.

My studio apartment was cramped with my couch, bed and the crib all crammed into it. But, she still managed to stay several feet away from me at all times. Which took skill in an apartment my size. Clearly, she was determined.

She stared at the blank wall as if memorizing the cracks in it.

“What's on your mind, Hannah?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“Liar,” I said, flopping down on my couch, patting the seat next to me.

She could continue to stand, but if she wanted to rest her feet, it was either the couch or my bed. She seemed to consider her choices carefully before sitting on the far end of the couch, her arms still across her chest, her jaw still set, and her body still tense.

“I'm not lying,” she said simply. “Just because I don't want to jump your bones, doesn't mean –”

“Lying again,” I teased. I couldn't help it, but the look she gave me made the laughter die in my throat. “Sorry, go on.”

She sighed and rested her head back on the couch, closing her eyes. I let her be, and waited several minutes for her to say something. I started to think she'd dozed off when she lifted her head and aimed her blue eyes directly at me.

“Over the last few weeks, I've learned some things about my father, Eli. I keep hoping I'm wrong but — I just don't know,” she said, biting her lip. “I'm starting to think he's not the man I thought he was.”

It was my turn to sigh. I let out a long breath and ran a hand through my hair. I didn't keep up with Roy and his dealings, but I knew he meddled in some shady shit. Shit that he didn't want Hannah knowing about. She studied my face, as if hoping to find the answers written in my eyes, but I had nothing for her. I carefully made sure to keep my face neutral and to give nothing away.

“You know your dad and I don't get along,” I said, shrugging. “I think he's a pretty awful man, but –”

“He's my dad, Eli –”

“Hannah, hold up a second, let me finish,” I said.

I tried to keep my voice quiet enough to not wake the sick baby across the room, but Hannah was clearly getting frustrated with me. I hoped she'd just hear me out.

“Your dad is not a good man. Ask anyone around town what they think of Roy Ross and they'll mention his past drug abuse, domestic violence, drinking problems, bar fights – the whole nine yards. He's been in prison more times than I can count,” I said. “I doubt you need me to tell you he's a pretty shitty human being, but he's still your dad and I guess maybe I'm realizing what that means now. And listen, I know your dad loves you, Hannah. He loves you enough to want to protect you from the shady shit he's mixed up in, and you should probably listen to him. I promise you that's about the only thing you'll ever hear me agree with him on.”

Her lips were pursed tight, her brow furrowed even more than usual. Normally, I'd tell her how cute she was when she mad, but that never went over well in the best of times between us. I had no doubt it would go over like a damn lead balloon now. Thi

s time, she had a perfectly good reason to be angry. Her dad was keeping secrets from her, and she probably knew more than she should. However, for her own safety and wellbeing, I needed to convince her to look the other way and not pry into what her dad did.