I’ve been down here for at least a day, but time spent is hard to even say anymore. All I know is that Jeffco has come with food and water, multiple times.
Each time the door opens I scramble forward in hopes of leaving.
“No dice,” he tells me, handing me a bit of nourishment.
This is torture. I never thought I’d be in this position. Now, when I look through the cracks of the roof, I can see that it’s dark outside again. So, I’ve spent a full day down here.
I can’t imagine how long this might last. I’m starting to really lose it.
I hear the top of the roof start to creak, and that’s when I know someone is here. I imagine it’s Andy or Jeffco, but when I hear his careful steps, I know who it is.
It’s Rowan.
The roof opens, and he walks downstairs. “I’m sorry it took so long,” he says. “I just wanted to be careful. Here, I brought you some things.”
In his hand is a plastic bag full of different items. There’s a bottle of Jack, some lunch meat, bread, cigarettes, a lighter, magazines, and a very large carton of water.
“Fuck you.” I spit at him. “I don’t want to see your face ever again.”
“If you use this lighter to burn down this place, you’ll be sorry,” he keeps talking. “I came to give you some things to make your stay more worth it. Here, I almost forgot.”
He climbs back up and grabs something, bringing it down. When he’s closer, I can see that it’s a pillow. “So you can get some comfort down here,” he says. “I’m so fucking sorry you go involved in all of
this, Caroline.”
He grabs a key and unlocks my wrists.
“You tricked me,” I cry, falling to the mattress, rubbing my sore wrists.
He sits down beside me. Although I want to hit him over the head with this bottle of Jack, I know that it wouldn’t change my situation.
I’m stuck here now. I’m their prisoner. A hostage. This is my life now.
Dan was right. I’m a loser. A nothing. I haven’t contributed to the world as much as I should.
Every single stinging phrase was deserved. I should have stayed there with him.
“You’ll never make it out there without me,” he once said.
Now I know just how right he was. I’m so stupid.
“These guys give me my bread and butter,” he tries to explain. “They are the only people keeping me afloat right now. Look, I’m on the fucking run. Bad deal. Bad gang. Now they want to kill me. You already knew that, but I need you to understand why you’re down here. It’s not because we’re going to hurt you. It’s temporary.”
“Temporary,” I find myself saying the phrase as if it came from an alien language. Temporary. “Nothing is ever temporary. What are you planning on doing with me? Are you going to try to rape and kill me, too?”
“You know me better than that,” he says, shaking his head. “You know, I do a lot of shady shit. I’m a criminal. I’ll admit that to you. I’m proud of who I’ve become because it’s been a true struggle since day one for me. But this rape business, and the killing of innocent people, I cannot get behind. That’s not me. That’s not what I stand for.”
“Then what do you stand for,” I ask him. “Release me, Rowan. Just unshackle me. It’s easy.”
He looks away with a pained expression on his face. “Easier said than done,” he says. “They pay me. No one knows about this place but them and me. It would be too obvious. Others would come after us.”
“So, what? You just came to keep me company and give me alcohol?” I ask, falling against the old mattress.
It smells like dust and mildew in here, but I’ve gotten used to it.
“I’m trying my hardest. I’m going to talk to them. I’ll get you out of here, eventually, but I need you on my side, okay? I know it’s my fault that you’re in this mess. I shouldn’t have convinced you to spend time with me,” he says. “But you don’t know what it’s like being on the run. I haven’t been with a woman in months. I saw you and… ah, never mind.”
“What?” I ask, out of curiosity.