One to Save (One to Hold 6)

Holding the walls I make my way to Dex’s room. At this point, I’m feeling so broken down, I don’t know if I’ll make it through this. If I won this battle he wins the war. When I’d said I still loved him, I’d spoken from the depths of my soul. My heart is battered, broken, and torn, and all I want is to crawl into his arms and let him hold me. Take this pain away and come home.

Only how can I say that? He doesn’t treat me like he should. He flat out admitted he never hid things from her... He knows this isn’t the way we should live, and I have to mean more to him than that.

Dex is standing in his crib, blue eyes round, a tear hangs on his little dark lashes. I lift him into my arms and walk to the glider in the corner. He snuggles into me, and the closeness of him, his baby scent eases the bleeding hole in my chest.

It would be so easy to give in, to say it doesn’t matter and take him back. At the same time, everything inside me revolts at the prospect of going back to a life of half-truths and double-lives. Even if I know Derek isn’t Sloan, I can’t shake the ghosts of how my life used to be. The faintest hint of it sends ice water running through my veins.

If I willingly go back and nothing changes, I can only blame myself for making the same mistake twice, and this time, I can’t blame it on ignorance. This time I’d be making the decision with my eyes wide open.

Dex scrubs his little head against my shoulder, and I hug him closer. As much as it hurts being away from Derek, I also have to consider our little boy. A baby is something I never had with Sloan, thank goodness.

His little fist grips my sleeve, and I kiss his dark hair. His little humming noises as he soothes himself actually soothe me.

Derek would never hurt me the way Sloan did. His lies are different from Sloan’s in that while my ex-husband cheated on me and humiliated me at every turn, Derek has only risked everything to protect me—and then kept it a secret.

My survival instinct says to protect myself from even the hint of how my life used to be. What if my survival instinct and the man I love are on the same team, fighting the same battle? Derek says he’ll change, and maybe he will. But if he doesn’t, can I overlook this side of his personality?

“I’m going to figure this out, baby,” I whisper, kissing Dex’s ear. “I’m going to make the right decision for us. I promise.”

I just need more time.

Chapter 8: Hard Lines

Derek

Leaving her is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ll be damned if I give that fucking key back. I’ll be damned if I give any of it back. Melissa is mine. She and Dex belong with me. I won’t back down from that.

Listening to her say those words was like being gutted with a dull knife. She fucking compared me to Sloan. God dammit. The mere suggestion rains acid all over my shredded insides. I would never treat her like that bastard. I killed that fucker because of what he did to her, what he wanted to do to her.

Anger pushes me too hard. I’m at a hundred on I-95, and I don’t even see the cars as they pass. I have to drive back to Princeton tonight. I don’t know what I’ll do if I stay in Wilmington, but I know it won’t help my case any.

Melissa is my heart and my soul and my life and my love, and every word she said made me want to grab her and shake her until... No. I’d never do that. I’ve just never been in that position where every word out of her mouth was so impossibly insane. My skull feels like it’s coming apart from the pressure in my head.

I’ve suffered through someone I loved slipping away from me. When Allison had cancer, and all I could do was watch her die, I never thought I’d survive it. Yet, Melissa stands there with our little boy in her arms talking to me like nothing we’ve done even matters.

“Fucking bullshit!” I shout inside the car, slamming my fist against the steering wheel.

Yeah, getting out of Wilmington is the right call. Staying wouldn’t lead anywhere productive. I’ll step back, decompress, do some work, and see if I can figure out a better solution than tearing her door down with my bare hands.

The eight-hour drive is done, and I’m parking in my usual spot, heading into the building by eleven.

“Welcome home, sir,” Jason, Walt’s regular backup greets me.

“Hey, Jase.” I pause inside the doors. “Did Walt mention my guests to you?”

“Yes, sir.” Jason’s overgrown eyebrows pull together like two black caterpillars. “We’ve alerted the other staff to be cautious of new runners and such. We won’t let you down, sir.”

Clasping his shoulder, I nod. “I appreciate it. The mother’s okay, but her baby—”

“She’s a cute little girl.” Jason’s oval face splits with a smile. “Dark hair and eyes. A real show stopper.”

“Thanks.” Nodding, I head to the elevator, wondering what Star was doing with Cammie in the lobby. I’ll have to talk to her about being more discreet.

My condo is empty when I enter, which surprises me. I can only assume they’re across the hall with Stuart and Mariska. It’s late, but the little girl could easily sleep on a palette or a bed, and honestly, I appreciate the time alone. I need to recover from Melissa’s blistering words.

Opening the cabinet, my scotch is gone. A bottle of Belvedere sits in the background, and I pull it down. Amber last night, clear tonight. My insides are loose and shaken. I haven’t felt this helpless in years.

Walking to the couch, tumbler of ice in one hand, bottle in the other, I kick off my shoes and collapse into soft black leather. My phone is in my pocket, and I pull it out. Holding it in my hand, I stare at her beautiful face smiling, blue eyes glowing.