One to Leave (One to Hold 5)

I considered our conversation. She was still a beautiful woman with years of life ahead of her. Why shouldn’t she spend them with Bill?

“Derek said you’re heading back to Chicago on Tuesday with me.” She stopped between my brother and me at the fire. “Does this mean I’ll have my son back under my roof for a few weeks?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ll find a place.”

“What! You’re only going to be in town a short time. Am I right?” Her eyes were flashing, and I remembered how hard it was to argue with her.

“Yes.”

“Then why not?”

“Because I’m a grown man.”

“So you’ll spend countless hours finding a place to rent for only a few weeks, for which you’ll probably spend a fortune, rather than stay with your own mother?”

Shit. “Yes.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, and I could almost see little curls of smoke rising from her ears. “I swear sometimes you are exactly like your father.”

Patrick snickered, but I didn’t like the comparison. “I’m not just like him.”

“Stubborn as a mule. Proud.” Her arms crossed, and I could read that body language a mile away. She was hurt. Dammit.

All I’d been trying to do for the last two weeks was find a place where I could be alone for a little while, to think. The closest I’d gotten were those first nights with Derek, and I’d been so cramped up and suffering, I hadn’t been able to enjoy them.

The muscles in my stomach were tight, but I caved. “I’ll stay with you, Mom.”

Instantly her eyes lightened. She reached out and squeezed my arm. “I’m so glad.”

That was how I ended up in her place in Chicago my final nights before leaving the States.

* * *

I hadn’t been in a Chicago winter for at least six years. It was cold as fuck, and when the wind blew across the lake, only wool could face down that onslaught. I had on wool slacks and a thick wool topcoat over my button-down shirt and tweed blazer.

Tonight after dinner, I’d said I needed a walk. Mom said I needed my head examined, but I took off before she had a chance to finish her lecture on catching pneumonia. Now I was thinking she was right, although I’d keep that to myself. Patrick learned gloating at his mother’s knee.

Her condo was on the Lakefront, so I headed east of Michigan Avenue down Grand. My thoughts were miles away, and when I looked up, I was facing Navy Pier. It was such a tourist trap, I had no idea why I’d walked out here.

The night was dark, and snow flurries were already drifting down. The place was deserted at this time of night, the Ferris wheel wasn’t running. I walked all the way to the end and stood looking out across Lake Michigan. I wanted to be near the water. Something about the waves made me feel closer.

Everything came together easily when I arrived back in town. I made a few phone calls, put it out there I was back, and the next thing I knew job offers came rolling in. I had my pick of the best. I should’ve been pleased.

Derek asked me to stay. He made the hard sell of expanding Alexander-Knight to include whatever type of business interested me. He suggested I move to Wilmington. He suggested I stop running.

Those weren’t his exact words, but he touched on that idea of something new to serve and protect. My thoughts went to Mariska, and I couldn’t say yes. The nagging pain still twisted in my chest every time I thought of her. If I stayed, I’d never get over her. I had to get over her.

A bell rang on one of the buoys far out in the darkness. I looked towards it, straining to see the light. Why the hell did she have such a hold on me? I barely knew the girl. We’d only been together a week, and the first half I’d spent trying to avoid her. Yes, the last half had been pretty fucking fantastic, but the way it ended...

Maybe that was my problem. It hadn’t ended. I’d walked away. She’d run away. We never said goodbye. The door of possibility was still cracked, and it had me thinking crazy thoughts. Thoughts like she let me be myself. She touched me and the pain went away. She helped me sleep. She made me laugh. For the first time outside of being in the military, I was happy. Also, she had my body responding stupidly. My chest would tighten when I smelled jasmine or caught a glimpse of chestnut hair.

Something final, a conclusion would fix this. Then I could leave behind dreams of her hands on my ass, her soft lips touching mine, her moans... Shit. Pulling out my phone, I touched the digits Elaine had given me.

* * *

Mariska

The ocean breeze was frigid in the winter. I wrapped my fleece jacket tightly around me before heading out to the shore. I missed Yaya. I wanted to feel close to her, and for whatever reason, sitting in front of rolling waves under the full moon helped with that.