One to Leave (One to Hold 5)

Two achingly long weeks had passed, and the hole in my chest was gaping as ever. I’d tried so hard to tell myself to let him go. It didn’t matter if he never came back. I was young. I had my whole life ahead of me. Not only that, I was lucky. I had a beautiful memory of my first time with an incredibly sexy man...

It didn’t work.

I parked near the wooden pier by Slayde’s old place. He’d moved in with Kenny, and now those apartments were set for demolition. The last of the old beach shacks would soon be gone, and in their place would be high-rise condos. Huge blocks of concrete.

Turning away from that, I watched the water lap against the pier posts. Closing my eyes, I indulged in memories I’d tried to stop having. I saw his smoky hazel eyes, his beautiful smile. I felt his strong arms pulling me against him, his rough kisses, his gentle touch. I remembered sliding my hands down his back, tracing the lines of his muscles, his ass... Before I realized, I was sniffing.

“Oh, Yaya,” I lifted blurry eyes to the black sky. A million stars filled the space, and all I could think of was making love in an Indian blanket by a crackling campfire. “I really screwed up this time.”

A lone tear streamed down my cheek, and the pain of heartbreak burned in my chest. I missed him. I missed being happy. I missed being able to take a deep breath without pain.

Resting my head against the post, I thought of my grandmother now in heaven. She’d told me so many times to control my gift, to listen to my instincts. I’d shot it all to hell in what was possibly the most important moment of my life. I’d wanted him so much, I’d forgotten everything she taught me.

Pulling my knees under my chin, I hugged them. “I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me I’d be okay, tell me I’ll make it through this.”

A buzz from my phone cut through my misery. I’d forgotten it was in my pocket, and fishing it out, I expected to see Kenny’s picture smiling at me. Instead it was an unknown number. I almost dismissed it, but the tiniest pull in my stomach made me slide my finger across the face.

“Hello?” I hoped I didn’t sound like I’d been crying.

“Mariska?” His voice was like a jolt of electricity to my heart.

“Stuart?”

For a moment, neither of us spoke. I heard his breath on the line, and I felt the stream of tears on my cheeks. My chest rose and fell with my rapid breathing. He called me! What did this mean?

“I got your number from Elaine.”

His tone was terse as always. I didn’t care. I closed my eyes and saw his strong jaw. I thought of the time I’d run my tongue up it.

“Okay.” I held my tone neutral. “How are you?”

“I took a job with AI.”

“I-I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s a private security company.” He paused. “I’m going back to the desert.”

Pain twisted in my chest. He called to tell me goodbye. “When?” I could only manage one word.

“Th

ree days.”

The stream of tears running down my cheeks grew thicker. I couldn’t speak.

Finally, he continued. “I don’t write letters.”

I covered the phone and took a shaky breath then I asked, “Why did you call?”

“Why did you fly to Montana?”

We were back to that question. I tried to answer as truthfully as I had the first time. “I needed to see you. I felt like you needed me.” Taking a chance, I added, “I wanted to be near you.”

More silence. The winter wind blew my hair back and the waves lapped against the pier posts. I closed my eyes holding my phone as if it were his face against mine. Oh, how much I wanted to hold him this way.

“You said you had a dream.” His voice was rough.

“That’s right.”