Next comes the swings, spinning out and around. I can’t touch her, but I can’t stop looking at her smiling, carefree. I love seeing her so happy. She’s a demon in the bumper cars, hitting me hard every chance she gets. The handful of other customers, a few couples, a few teenagers, stay out of our way.
We pass a family with small children as we walk to get cotton candy. I imagine Drew and me bringing our children here… then all at once the weight of our pending conversation hits me in the chest, killing my joy.
I can’t make plans like that with these secrets hanging over my head. She has to know the truth.
We walk up to the hill at the top of the park, where The Fun Spot is spelled out in big white letters similar to the Hollywood sign. I lead her to sit on a bench overlooking the park. The attendant told us they’d be c
losing at ten, since it’s a weeknight, so I’m worried we’re running out of time.
“Before we go, we have to ride the tunnel of love.” She scoots closer, crossing her legs so her knees touch mine. I see her skirt rising higher.
“I might do more than kiss you this time.”
She leans in to kiss my cheek. “Can we go now?”
“Soon.” I put a hand over the outside of her thigh, and she puts her head against my shoulder.
“You wanted to talk tonight.” Her voice grows serious.
“Yes.” I pause a moment, not wanting to rush this.
My stomach isn’t in knots like I’d expected. I feel calm, ready to have this conversation. I’m putting my cards on the table.
Her finger draws a line up and down my forearm. “Were you lonely in the desert?” A touch of fear is in her tone, but I put that fear to rest.
“Sometimes.” Turning my hand over, I lace our fingers. “It helped that we stayed in touch. We talked almost every night.”
“I lived for those conversations.”
I give her hand a squeeze. “I did too.”
Her eyes are full of relief. “You kept telling me to date other people, but I didn’t want to date anyone. I only wanted to wait for you.”
I trace the top of her cheekbone with my thumb. “It was the one time I was glad you didn’t listen to me.”
“I’m listening now.” Her chin lifts, and her blue eyes are so open, so beautiful.
Clearing my throat, I straighten in the seat, putting both hands over hers.
Time to rip it off, Band-Aid style.
“That last day, when we were ambushed… it was like the blast came out of nowhere.” Taking a beat, I remember that man, his eyes. “Or I don’t know… maybe I should have sensed it coming. One minute we were driving along, the next we were thrown in the air. Almost everyone in the back of the truck fell out. I was trapped in the cab. I’d hit my head on the window. The medics said I had a concussion.”
Mist fills her eyes, and she lifts my hand to her face, clasping it in both of hers and kissing the back of it. “I’m so sorry.”
“I managed to climb out, but it was chaos everywhere. I couldn’t see for the dust and the smoke. People kept running past, pushing. Men were dying all around me… explosions kept going off like aftershocks.”
She holds my hand tighter, her eyes tightening as tears streak her pretty cheeks. Tension squeezes my chest.
“I’m sorry.” I reach out to place my hand on her skin. “I’m not trying to make you cry.”
An inhale lifts her chest and shoulders, and she looks into my eyes. “I can’t imagine you going through something like that. It must’ve been terrifying.”
My eyebrows clutch. “I didn’t feel afraid. I felt… focused, determined. I had to get our guys to safety. I was one of the few still on my feet, even if I couldn’t catch my balance.”
“Because of the concussion.” She reaches out to stroke my cheek again.
I put my hand over hers and bring it to my lap. “My CO needed help accounting for all the men in our company. Many of them were dead when we found them.”