My Summer in Seoul

Once we were in our room, I shoved him onto the bed. “Out of all the things you could do to talk me up, you call me doom and gloom?”

“Ohhhhhhh…” He collapsed back onto the mattress, hands linked behind his head. “I’m sorry. I was confused about what game we were playing since you looked all hot and bothered. I figured she should at least know whatever she’s doing to cheer you up—it’s working. You don’t look like you want to jump from a tall building anymore.”

I flinched, hating hearing his experience with it, hating that it reminded me of that day, of the articles, of people attacking me physically, mentally—all because someone I trained with was jealous. “I wouldn’t have done it.”

“You say that now,” he countered in a low voice like he was afraid to say it too loud. “But you didn’t see your face—I did, Rae and I had to see that, and I wouldn’t… It was bad, Lucas, you know that, right? Just because a girl comes into your life and makes you smile doesn’t make all the shit you’ve been dealing with go away.”

“No,” I agreed, my heart squeezing. “But it does make the load a lot lighter.”

“Yeah.” He looked down at his hands, then his cell phone then picked it up and swiped the screen. “I’m sure it does.”

“You waiting for a call or text?” I guessed.

“No,” he said quickly, dropping his phone back onto the bed. “I was just thinking… things.”

“How deep of you.”

He made a face. “So, everything’s good with her, then? Did you confess your undying love and affection and tell her you only treated her like shit because you actually liked her? Or is that going to be reserved for day one hundred of dating? Ohhhh, you should get matching outfits to wear!”

I smiled like an idiot and then remembered he was prying for information and shook myself out of it. “No, I don’t know, it’s not like— We haven’t—”

Jay’s eyes lit up. “Haven’t? What? Cuddled?”

“God, you’re annoying.”

“How bad is it? Do you need to go to church and confess a few dirty sins? Maybe we should use this and write a seriously sexy song that makes our fans lose their minds. I’m game…”

Why had I even semi-confided in him? He would never let this go. Then again, maybe I could use it for my benefit. “Well, since you’re asking.”

His eyes lit up. “Yeah?”

Why did it suddenly feel like I was about to have the sex talk with a cooler version of my dad? Palms sweaty, I leaned forward on my knees. The direct approach would be better with Jay. Otherwise, he’d do nothing but tease me, add in a ton of sarcasm, and make me want to kill him.

My throat was too dry. I reached for a bottle of water near my nightstand, gulped half of it down, and blurted, “Sex.”

Yeah, that was it.

Just. Sex.

Jay’s eyebrows shot up. He reached for one of his hats and started playing with it in his hand. “Sex.”

“Sex,” I repeated.

“Are we just going to say it over and over again, or was there a question in there?” His Aussie accent was most definitely coming out more. Did the topic make him uncomfortable?

“Have you?” I asked, wanting to crawl under my bed then pray for an earthquake, so it collapsed on top of my worthless body. “Had sex?”

Jay’s laugh was so uncomfortable I almost yelled, never mind. Instead, he tossed his hat on a rough exhale. “Yeah.”

I exhaled in relief. “So, you can help me.”

“I’m not helping you have sex.”

“No, no, not that.” I waved him off. “I mean… I know she’s obviously more experienced. Being a trainee is like being a part of a monastery, and then we debuted, and things got crazy. How did you even have time?”

“Oh.” Jay nodded. “That’s easy. I was still in Australia.”

Made sense. “You came over when you were sixteen,” I pointed out.

He winced. “Yeah, let’s just say the girl I was with at the time had this whole scenario where I left and never came back—she was right by the way—and then wanted something to remember us by, and wow, the more I say out loud, the worse it sounds.”

“That was it?”

“No.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Not, actually, no.”

“What? How do I not know this?”

“Because we don’t go around talking about sex?” He laughed. “And because SWEET might not take it well knowing that I was sleeping around with a Trainee from LQ?”

My jaw dropped. “No way!”

“She was hot?” he offered. “We had a lot of late… practices.” He cleared his throat.

“What girl?”

“Nope! Not telling you that. She hates me now.”

“Why?”

“Because I broke things off, and she wanted to go to the media the minute we debuted. Once she understood why after her own debut, she was a little nicer about it, but I think her pride was hurt.” He smiled, more to himself than me. “Things are intense when you’re that young. You feel everything even if you don’t want to, and it’s the end of the world if you don’t see them. Looking back, it probably wasn’t healthy.”