I nodded, knowing she wasn’t wrong, but not having the strength to even think about another job right now. “Can I take one more day to wallow and listen to Taylor Swift and worry about the big-girl stuff tomorrow?”
She laughed, then winked. “Of course,” she said. “Maybe take two days. Daisy is coming over with wine tonight.” She closed the door behind her, and I cleaned the kitchen before heading back to the spare bedroom I’d been crashing in. I sank under the covers, T-Swift playing from the speaker on my phone.
If there was any silver lining I could take from the miserable mood I was in, it was that I had some fucking fantastic friends.
“Can you hear me okay?” Doctor Trellis asked from where he filled up my laptop screen, and I gave the camera a thumbs up.
“Loud and clear,” I said and then immediately cringed at the goofy way I’d responded. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m still getting used to the idea of this.”
“We all are,” he said, grinning at me. “This app is secure and totally confidential, and the need for remote sessions is in high demand these days.”
“I understand,” I said. “I’m happy technology is allowing people to get the care they need from the comfort of their own homes.”
“Exactly,” he said. “And with young ones, it’s usually a huge relief to the parents or guardians who are usually already swamped with pick-ups and drop-offs and after-school activities or second jobs. The list of reasons for remote sessions goes on and on, and now we have the security to make it happen. I’m so glad you decided to join our team.”
My heart did that twinge thing it did any time my decision to try remote clinical work was acknowledged, but I managed not to break down into tears this time.
“Me too,” I said and meant it. It had been days since I’d walked out of Brogan’s house. Long, tedious soul-searching and wall-destroying days spent mainly in the company of my two best friends who helped me realize what I needed to do.
I needed to pursue a few paths in order to find out which one I was truly meant to be on. And it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that I wasn’t exactly where I belonged.
I had a giant Skye and Brogan-sized hole in my heart that I knew could never be healed by taking charge of my career and putting my doctorate to use. Although I was excited to start remotely working with children who needed my help, it could never replace what I’d had with Skye.
And Brogan.
I knew with more clarity than I did a week ago how much I loved him because of how much it hurt to leave him. But what could I do about it now?
Talk to him.
My traitorous voice whispered in the back of my mind, but I shoved the thought down and focused on Doctor Trellis as he explained how many sessions I’d have my first week before launching into policies and procedures.
By the time we signed off, I was more confident in the role I would play for this hospital.
But for my life?
I was lost. I wanted to take back my anger over the comment Brogan had made, but I wasn’t a magician. I was a flesh-and-blood woman with emotions, damn it, and it had hurt. Doubt was a fickle, frosty bitch, and having the stone-cold words forever in recorded, accessible history for me was even worse.
More than that, he hadn’t tried to call or text, not since the first day after I left. When I still needed time. And since then, nothing. He hadn’t even tried to randomly show up at my apartment, which I’d reclaimed after I’d finally been able to leave the comfort and warmth of Maddie’s house. I’d resorted to watching the Reapers’ games just to get a glimpse of him even though I was terrified what any post-game interviews might turn up. But it seems he wasn’t doing those either.
And I didn’t know how to feel about any of that. Because I felt like if he wanted to talk, he’d reach out. That’s how Brogan was. He didn’t sugarcoat things and he certainly didn’t waste time playing games. He wanted something? He went after it full-speed.
So if he hadn’t called? It had to mean that what I’d said to him had hit home. He’d realized I was exactly right, and the only reason he was with me was because I was convenient. And even though it hurt like hell, I found myself more and more convinced that it was better this way. It had to be, right? Better to know now that he’d only thought he was in love with me because I was great with his baby girl and was around.
I swallowed down the pain, knowing that wasn’t how I’d fallen for him, but again, there was nothing I could do about it now.