I purse my lips and close my eyes just for one second, all these memories flooding me. I think back to the first time our paths really crossed, when he carried me up to the nursery, or when he caught me talking about his huge cock right here in Dos Caminos… I remember the way I felt when I saw his naked body for the first time, and I remember how amazing it felt every single time we fucked and, more than that, every time we made love. Love.
“You love him, Christine,” Kim says, placing both her hands on top of mine. “You don’t even need to say it, I can see it in your face.”
“Yes I love him, okay! That doesn’t change a thing! I can’t keep on doing what I’m doing, living in secret…!” I cry out in protest. The fact that I love him doesn’t make this any easier. In fact, it just makes things a lot more complicated. If he was just a fling I could try to forget him, move on and focus on my studies and career. But I can’t do that when he’s the one I love, when he’s the most special man I have ever met.
“Well, there you have it, Christine,” she smiles, “you’re solving your own riddle.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said that you can’t keep on doing what you’re doing… So why don’t you change things? Stop doing the wrong thing, and start doing the right one.”
“And… what’s the right thing?” I sigh, still feeling torn. But she’s right - I have to do the right thing here.
“That’s for you to find out,” she tells me, and I squeeze back her hand. “But you love him, and that has to count for something.”
“I… I do love him,” I say, the way the words fall out of my lips almost making me dizzy. I love him, I really do. But am I willing to pay the price for this love? To let go of everything I’ve ever wanted because of Anders? The answer cuts through all the confusion in my mind like the light from a beacon, and the answer is a resounding yes. I love him too much to allow the Consultancy Program to step between the two of us. “I know what I have to do,” I tell Kim, standing up in a hurry and almost spilling my cocktail to the floor.
“And…?” Kim looks up at me, a bright smile on her lips. God bless her.
“I’m going to pay the Dean a visit,” I just say, placing a folded bill under my cocktail glass and grabbing my purse.
“Go get ‘em, girl,” she cheers me as I turn on my heels. I throw her one last smile and then I head out of Dos Caminos, a steely determination taking over me.
It might be the the hardest thing I have ever done, but I’m going to do the right thing… And I’m going to do it right now.
169
Anders
“Anders, can you come up to my office?” The Dean asks me, and his tone of voice leaves no room for doubts: I must go there now.
“On my way,” I respond and then end the call, placing the cell phone
inside my pocket as I stand up. I leave the papers I was reviewing right on top of my desk, and I don’t even bother with shutting down the computer. I get out of my office in a hurry and head straight to the Dean’s office. I don’t even bother with knocking - I just step inside.
“Glad you could join us,” Andrew tells me. He’s the dean of the department, a man in his fifties with horn-rimmed glasses and a head full of snow white hair. He’s sitting at his desk and, right in front of him, is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen - Christine.
“Anders?” She calls my name, turning to look at me. Her eyes are red and puffy, and her makeup is slightly smeared.
“What’s going on?” I ask Andrew, and he just points at the chair next to Christine. I sit down, and then he folds his fingers and takes a deep breath.
“Okay, Christine, you were saying…?”I notice her hands shaking, but she then rests them on her lap. She lowers her gaze to her hands, looking away from me.
“I want to…” She starts, but then falls silent. I can tell that she’s hurting to get the words out, but I don’t dare to stop her. She has made her decision, and I can do nothing but respect it. She takes a deep breath and then finally says it in one single breath. “I want to formally withdraw my application for the UN Consultancy Program.”
“Wait - what?” I start, turning to her.
“That’s right,” she tells me, returning my gaze. She then turns to the Dean, takes another breath, and steadies herself. “I’ve been in a relationship with Professor Anders, and I don’t think that I should be considered for the position at the UN. And this is all my fault and --”
I can’t help myself - I throw my head back and let out a loud laugh. She looks at me with
wide eyes, trying to figure out why the hell I’m laughing when she’s crushing her dreams because of me. Then the Dean starts to chuckle, adding to her confusion.
“What?” She asks, looking from me to the Dean.
“Christine,” Andrew starts in that patient tone of his, taking his reading glasses out of his face and setting them down on the table. “There’s nothing in the bylaws stopping a professor from having a relationship with a graduate student. You did nothing wrong.”
She looks at the Dean as if he has two heads, but then she finally allows for the good news to sink in. But she’s not done yet. “Well, sir, I still want to withdraw my application. I don’t think that it’s right for me to be nominated and evaluated by Professor Anders. It’s unfair for the other applicants.”