Things are suddenly so much more real.
“Don’t get any ideas, babe. My dad bought these for me months ago because he thought I would need them, but I didn’t. Box hasn’t even been opened yet. I may be horny, but I’m not a horny idiot.”
I’m thankful because it’s quite obvious that between the two of us, I’m the horny idiot.
My hands start shaking. God, I can’t believe this is about to happen. What is it going to be like? What is he going to look like? What will he think when he sees me naked? Why does it have to be daylight because now we can’t do it in the dark! Is it going to hurt? How badly?
Ian tosses the condom on the bed and grabs my hands, squeezing them. “Are you sure, Sydney?”
“Yeah. Just nervous.”
He kisses my forehead. “Me too. Do you know how not to be?” We move so I’m on my back and he starts kissing my neck.
“How?”
“We’re going to kiss for a long time, until you can relax and you’re comfortable and ready. But if you change your mind, say so. That’s totally cool, too. I wasn’t expecting this today. And we’ll go slow.” His hands are on my hips, but he’s not trying to take my shirt off yet.
Relaxing into his pillows, I take a deep breath. “Then kiss me.”
Ian grins and a moment later, his mouth is pressing against mine. Ian keeps his word. We kiss until my body is writhing under him. My shirt disappears and we kiss some more. Ian’s pants and underwear are next to go. For a long time, I’m speechless because it’s too much. Too much skin, too much to see, too much to feel. And I’m feeling it because Ian grabs my hand and with his over mine, we stroke him.
I didn’t even know people could groan like that! He curses frequently and before I know what’s happening, he’s come all over our hands and my stomach. My brain short-circuits. Ian looks a little embarrassed as he cleans us up with his T-shirt, and then we’re back to kissing again. I’m the one who ends up pushing my pants and panties off. Ian seemed to be in heaven for those few seconds when he was coming. I want that. And I want to feel him more than I just did.
“Gorgeous, babe,” he whispers once I’m completely naked. “Always gorgeous.” His hand moves between my legs and sounds start to come out of my mouth that are embarrassing. Ian shakes his head. “Relax and stop thinking.” He freezes. “Unless you want to stop?”
I shake my head vigorously. “Keep going.”
His fingers do things to me that I’ve never done to myself. Sure, we’ve messaged back and forth and I would tell him I was touching myself, but I was lying. I was too embarrassed, which is stupid considering what we were saying to each other, but it’s what happened.
Then, everything stops. I gulp as Ian puts the condom on. He settles between my legs and looks at me. My head is nodding before he can ask the question. I want this more than anything. It’s already more amazing than I thought it could be. There will be no regrets.
“You’re an idiot,” Carey and Logan say simultaneously.
My shoulders slump. We’re holed up in my room and I just revealed that I had sex with Ian three times, each time better than the last. The last time was dangerous, though. We had just finished when we heard a car door slam shut. His dad was home from work. We had to hurry to dress and then Ian had to take me home. How I didn’t cry when we said our goodbyes, I don’t know.
“Why?” I ask.
“He obviously only wanted you to come to have sex,” Logan says.
“No, he didn’t. Even if he did, I wanted it too. What’s so wrong about that?”
“You’ve met him twice,” Carey points out.
“But we talk every single day!” Why does everyone keep ignoring that? It matters. It makes a difference. Suddenly pissed off that they don’t see Ian the way I do, I say, “If you can’t be semi-supportive, or at least have a good reason, then don’t say anything at all.”
They are quiet for so long that I’m positive they aren’t going to say anything else.
“Was it good? Was he good to you?” Carey finally asks.
“Yes to both. He was perfect.” I look at Logan with a glare. “He gave me a bazillion chances to change my mind and tell him to stop.”
“So, what now?” Logan asks.
I shrug. “Nothing. We’re the same as always. Just friends.” That’s all we can be right now. I want more at some point, but I don’t know when that will be. What we have now is enough for the time being. Even if it’s not, it has to be. We have no choice.
“Is he going to try to see you again?” Carey follows up.
“Yeah, but we don’t know when yet.”