“I’m sorry.” My gaze whips around from people-watching others in the restaurant to Collin as he says those two words. “This probably isn’t the best first date you’ve been on.”
“Don’t be sorry, Collin. I’m with you and that in itself makes it the best first date.” He doesn’t seem to believe me, but it’s true. “I’ve wanted this for a long time,” I remind him.
“You don’t have to lie to me. I’m not fragile.”
“I’m not lying.” And it pisses me off that he thinks I would. “And I know you’re not fragile. You’re the strongest person I know. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
He eyes me for a moment before smiling. “I’ll lay it out there; you’re the best woman I know.”
I laugh. My heart warms at him turning what I always say to him around on me.
The waitress drops off the check and soon, we’re in the car on the way home. Collin ruins any chance of us waiting until we get back to return to the conversation about Cal, or even forgetting about it altogether.
“Tell me what happened,” he quietly demands.
Whether it’s support for me or him, I’m not sure, but I reach over and hold his hand in mine. With a deep breath, I begin my story. “About two weeks after we broke things off, I realized I was late. It terrified me and I knew if I was pregnant, it was Cal’s.” Collin’s grip tightens. “I bought a test, but I didn’t want to face the results alone, so I called Cal and asked him to come over.”
“What happened?” he asks through a clenched jaw.
“He came over. I told him I was late and might be pregnant, that I wanted him to be there while I took the test.” I take a steadying breath because what happened next is exactly why I can’t stand Cal. “He told me he didn’t care what the result was. He told me if it was positive, then I should get an abortion. He didn’t want anything holding him back or complicating his road to playing professionally. He didn’t want me riding his coattails and taking his money either. He repeated that he wanted me to get an abortion and left. I never heard from him again.
“I didn’t see the point in reaching out to tell him that the test was negative and my period did come. He wouldn’t have cared either way. To this day, he doesn’t know whether I got an abortion or not.” The fact an abortion was his gut reaction killed me. The fact he thought I wanted money out of him pissed me off.
“This explains so much,” Collin whispers to himself.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“This might be why he reacted the way he did when I first told him I was still talking to you. And why he always seems extremely uncomfortable around babies. Maybe he regrets telling you that.”
I can’t help my scoff. “You have too much faith in Cal.”
Collin shakes his head. “I can’t believe he’d do that to you. And why wouldn’t he tell me about it?”
The answer is obvious to me; I can’t believe it’s not to him. “Because he knows you’d kick his ass for what he did. You would’ve told him he didn’t handle the situation well. You would’ve told him what you thought and Cal didn’t want to hear it.”
His voice softens and he glances over at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to forget it happened and I didn’t want you to think differently of your brother. It was obvious he didn’t tell you, so I didn’t tell you either.”
His silence unnerves me more than before. He can’t stay quiet now, not after a conversation like that. But Collin doesn’t say a word until we’re back inside the apartment. By that time, I’m goo
d and nervous. He kicks off his shoes and plops down on the couch while I lag behind.
“Come sit with me, Jules,” Collin says as Marmalade walks back and forth on his lap, leaning against his chest. I do as he wants. He pulls me into his side with one arm around my shoulders. “I’m trying to wrap my mind around it all.”
“Want to talk out what you’re thinking?”
“I’m pissed the fuck off that Cal would react that way to you. I mean, if he wanted nothing to do with the baby, fine, but he didn’t have to respond the way he did.” He sighs, his head falling back against the couch. “I keep picturing you standing there, worried and scared, and him walking out on you.” He shakes his head. “No wonder you don’t want anything to do with him.”
“Well, it’s over with now. When Cal does find out about us—”
“He can keep his fucking opinion to himself,” Collin interrupts. He lifts his head to look at me. “All this time, I didn’t have the kind of relationship with you that I wanted because of this crazy idea that somehow, whatever you had with Cal still mattered. I didn’t want to cross some line. And it turns out that fucker screwed you over like that? All those times you told me he wouldn’t care, I realize why you think that now. We should’ve gotten together a long time ago instead of dancing around this,” he motions between us, “for all these years.”
Collin nudges Marmalade off his lap and the cat meows in protest. He grabs my face and kisses me with a passion I didn’t know existed. It’s the kind of kiss that makes you react. My reaction is to crawl into his lap and pull his shirt off.
“We shouldn’t rush, remember?” he reminds me as he kisses down my neck, his hands slipping underneath my shirt and tugging it higher and higher despite his words.
“We’re not. We’re catching up. Please, Collin.”