I feel Jake rest his chin on my head. He breaks my heart and says, “I don't know what to do anymore.”
The one thing that I did not want to hear after saying all of that is what he just said. How am I supposed to know what to do if Jake doesn't? Stepping away from Jake, I briskly walk away from him and into his house, and up the stairs to his room. The door closes easily with the quick push from my hand as I crawl onto his bed and under the covers, pulling them all the way up to my nose.
Upon hearing Jake enter his room, I say, “I don't want to dissect everything in our relationship because of my past. I love you. Why can't that be enough? Why isn't that enough?” I don't give him the chance to speak. “You know, I love your bed because it smells like you and it's comforting, like you. As crazy as it sounds, it's there when I need it. Just like you. My past, however, is nothing like you and our relationship. You are everything my p
ast with my mother isn't. You know all the gory details and still love me for me. Yes, I was raped many times. But, Jake, you have to understand that I never would have slept with you if I felt pressured.
“I sleep with you because I love you. I feel safe with you. I want you. You want me because you love me. Your personality is completely different than those men. Everything about us is different than that and that is why I can sleep with you after being raped. Because of our relationship, I was able to conquer those feelings of obligation and whatnot.”
“Sweetness,” Jake rolls me over and runs his finger down from my ear down my jaw. “I love you.” Chills run down my spine at the sultry heat in Jake's eyes.
Laying with Jake, our legs tangled together, there is not one place in this entire universe that I rather be. Jake is my heart, my home, my love. It's not five minutes later, Jake's breathing becomes steady and a soft snore escapes. I let his warmth and the music of his breathing and heartbeats sway me into a light slumber.
An hour or so later, I awake to Jake playing with my hair. The air is charged with a happy, but slightly negative feeling.
“Everything okay, love?” I yawn.
“I don't think I tell you enough that I love you or just how much.” Moving quickly, he rolls on top of me, the weight of his body not completely on me as he would probably crush me with muscles.
“I love you,” he kisses my neck.
“I love you so much,” he kisses my collarbone. As he moves further down, more of my body becomes exposed.
“I love how your hair smells like strawberries,” he kisses the spot between my breasts.
“I love your eyes,” he kisses my stomach.
This continues as Jake names every single thing he loves about me while covering every inch of my body with luscious kisses. My body warms up with each kiss until I'm scorching hot.
“Jake,” I barely breathe.
He looks up at me from his current position at my stomach, a smirk playing on his lips. “Yes, Sweetness?”
“If you tease me for another second...” a moan escapes before I can finish my sentence as his tongue kisses the inside of my thigh. I open my eyes to find Jake hovering over me, his eyes serious as he settles between my legs. The next hour is amazing.
While I was gone, Jake took Drake to a friend's. It's getting even later in the afternoon and it is time to go pick him up. Standing in one another's arms by my car, Jake says, “I think it's time you go home and face your dad.”
“Agreed.”
Jake kisses me gently and then kisses my forehead.
“I love you, Sweetness. Always.”
“I love you too, Jake.”
Leaving Jake behind, I go home. There's no denying the comfort that oozes from the house. Dad's sitting on the couch and turns with a smile, saying, “Hey, hon.” With a flop, I'm sitting beside my father. I don't even get a chance to say anything before he starts lecturing.
“I know you love him, honey, but do you think marrying him right now is the best thing to do? If y'alls love is as strong as it appears to be, waiting won't hurt anything. You two are just beginning your lives and the last thing y'alls relationship needs is more of a burden that this will cause. Marriage may strengthen your relationship, that I'm not denying, but it just isn't the right time.
“Not to mention that you are just learning to stand on your own two feet and learning more about yourself in respects to the real world. How can y'all marry when you don't know enough about yourself to do so? You need to be comfortable in your own shoes before you step into a marriage.”
Dad is satisfied with his talk, but now it's my turn. “Dad, I don't doubt that you know what's best for me. However, you don't understand where we are coming from. Jake would love to get married right this second, but he's waiting for me to make that call and he wants to respect your wishes. While I would love to marry Jake, I'm not ready just yet. Jake will even tell you that I felt similar to you. Daddy, it'll most likely be a while before we marry.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder and hugs me to him. “Good.” Relief is evident in his voice and body language. I kiss his cheek and say goodnight as I'm exhausted.
22
Jake