“This is all my fault.”
“What? Drake, it is not your fault.”
“Yes, it is! My stoma
ch told me to tell Dad not to leave because something bad would happen and I ignored it. It's all my fault.”
Whether I should say this or not, I'm unsure, but I'll be damned if this youngin' is going to blame himself for his father's mistakes. “Drake, if anyone should be blamed, it's your father. He was driving drunk and that's why he wrecked. It's his own fault, not yours.”
He doesn't reply, but instead he simply sniffles. Wrapping my arms around him, I once again assure him everything will work out, it's not his fault, and Jake and I love him.
“I know you do. I mean, I'm awesome and all,” he smiles slightly, but his words are dead from humor.
“Yes, you are. I'm going to go check on your brother. Holler if you need either of us.”
“Okay.”
Downstairs, I find my love with his head hanging in his hands, sitting in the exact same spot in which I left him. Sitting down beside him, I gather his hands in mine to make him look at me. His eyes are so sad that I can hardly stand it.
“I love you,” I whisper as I kiss his knuckles. It's the only thing I can think of doing. Jake takes his hands from mine and wraps me in a hug.
“I love you too,” he says with a strained, raspy voice. Those strong, sturdy arms of his squeeze me tightly. So tightly that it starts to hurt.
“Jake, you're hurting me. Let up just a little.”
“Sorry,” he says, releasing me completely.
“You didn't have to let go,” I say softly, nudging his shoulder before he gets the chance to return to his previous position. How can I help him? I rub his back, my fingers gliding over his muscles and back bone, hoping that soothes him as much as it relaxes me when he does it to me.
“What am I going to do, Sweetness?” Jake's deep voice rasps out in an almost choking manner.
“Hey,” I draw softly, “I'm right here with you too. You know that. Let's call my dad and see what he says.”
“No,” Jake stops my hand with his from reaching for the house phone.
“Why? He will know what to do.”
“I'm an adult now, Emily. I'm the responsible party and I need to start playing the role.”
“There's nothing wrong with getting a little help, love.”
“I know,” Jake runs his hands over his face, an action I've seen my father do many times when he's exhausted and worried. “I'm sorry. Go ahead and call him. I'm just overwhelmed.”
“I know, love. I know.” I give him a little kiss on the cheek and call Dad, telling him what happened and notice Jake wince a few times. My heart aches for him. I just want to cuddle with him like he's my favorite blanket. I'm so used to Jake holding me, but today, it's the other way around. He leans into me effortlessly and now, I understand how much I've underestimated and unappreciated him. He's always held my world together while I was falling apart and it's my turn to do the same for him. So I hold him until Dad arrives and then Jake turns into a person I've never seen before.
He's formal and hides his turmoil of feelings. Almost as if he's turning into a statue.
It scares me.
As soon as my dad sat down, Jake put up a thick exterior, and I'm not even sure if I can get through it. The absolute last thing anyone in the house needs is for Jake to close himself off to everyone. I've never seen that side of him, and I don't want to anytime soon. I only want him to feel better, but that will take time. Dad makes a plan to stay and be here when the social worker arrives so he can give his input.
I'm still stuck on Jake. His posture is rigid, and his hands constrict around one another. I can't help myself as I reach over, take his hands, and hold them in mine. Just then, I see into Jake's soul. He looks over at me with the saddest eyes filled with so much worry. Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around him and sigh with relief as he hugs me in return.
“I love you,” he murmurs into my neck.
“I love you,” I reply. I do. I love Jake so much that I can hardly stand to see him so defeated. Everything starts lining up and this happens. Jake has lost not one, but two parents in less than five years. His heart is broken and there is a strong desire coursing through my blood to mend his heart. But Jake lets go and tells no one in particular that he's going to check on Drake.
Relief is evident as we find out that Mr. Benson had a will. The only thing we know for sure is that Jake gets custody of Drake. That's going to be a tough one with Jake's upcoming career. Being entirely selfish, the only thing I want right now is to cuddle with my love and find out how he's truly handling this. It's hard, I know, but I need be there for him and tell him that things will work out. I long to tell him this, but it's as if I can only do so in the confinements of his room.