The day is long as Jake and Dad discuss upcoming preparations for both the funeral, Jake's career, and Drake's stable home. Seeing Jake in so much despair is killing me.
“Jake,” Dad begins, “I mean this in the best possible way when I say this. I think that Drake should stay with me.” Jake tenses immediately. “You have a lot going on right now and I think it would be best for everyone if he stayed with me until things balance out with you. Drake needs some stability and I don't think with your career that you can offer him that. I'm not saying he needs to stay with me forever. Let's give things a year and see where we are.
“Don't you think?” Jake's shaking his head, but my Dad forges on. “Listen, Jake. Do you honestly think you can take care of him right now and keep your dreams alive? No. You won't be able to do it. At least think about it. That's all I'm asking.”
Jake seems to think about it before he turns to me.
“What do you think?” Jake continues without waiting for me, “Because I'm thinking I've dodged enough bullets and it's time I take one. He's my brother, Emily. I can't just give up on him.”
“He's not asking you to give up, Jake. He's asking to give us time for our lives to balance so we can give Drake what he needs. Think about it. When will you have time to take care of him with all these camps you have coming next week?”
“I'll think about it,” Jake turns to my father, but gives me a look that says this is clearly not over.
“Good. I'll see y'all tomorrow. Are you coming home tonight, Emily?”
“Probably not,” I reply to Dad.
“Okay,” he stands and kisses my forehead, pats Jake on the shoulder, and leaves. As soon as the door closes shut, Jake stands abruptly, flinging his chair backwards so it falls to the floor.
“I can't believe you agree with him!” he roars.
Jake's hands are clasping the table, turning his knuckles an eery color. He looks down at me with disdain, and I try my hardest not to let it get to me. I'm going to try and stand my ground with this angry-at-life Jake.
“Why can't we handle Drake, if we were going to handle a baby a year ago? It doesn't make sense to me, Emily.”
“Think about it, love. If we were going to have a baby, I would have stayed here at home while you went to college. I wouldn't let you give up on your dreams.”
“And you know that I wouldn't have let you not let me. You know that I would've been there.”
“That's not the point, Jake. Dad is giving us a chance to get prepared for what it will take to be there for Drake and provide the stability that he needs. We haven't even talked about the future. How can you uproot him like that? I don't even know if I'm going with you yet or if I'll wait until the semester ends. If I don't go, you won't have the time to take care of him.”
“He's. My. Brother.”
“Then do what is best for him, Jake! I'm not going to argue with you when you are being unreasonable. When you are ready to talk, come find me.”
With that, I stand, walk around his fallen chair, and upstairs to find Drake.
26
Jake
She's worried, I know this, which is why I'm going to stand my ground and not pace. None of this makes sense to me. It's time I act like an adult that life desperately wants me to be, and that I take care of my brother. I don't move for two hours, my feet starting to ache slightly.
When I go upstairs, night has crept up swiftly and Emily and Drake are in my bed asleep. With care, I pick Drake up and take him to his own room so Sweetness and I can talk. Climbing into bed, Sweetness snuggles up to me and whispers.
“I was wondering how long it would take you. Jake,” she begins. I gulp, clenching my jaw, unsure if I want to hear what she has to say. “Don't look at me like that. All I'm saying is we are finally getting the chance to get our lives balanced before we bring Drake into it. Can you honestly say that you want Drake in our lives? As crazy as it is? Can you? We're in college and you're going to move to Chicago, Jake.”
“Don't you think I know that?” I hiss.
“Do you? We work. We go to school and you have hockey. Where are you going to put Drake in all of that?”
“He's my brother,” I plead, desperately not wanting to give up on him.
“Then act like it. Do what is best for him.”
Emily rolls away from me and slowly, I'm losing my composure. Grabbing her waist, I pull her backwards to me and bury my face into her neck, seeing why she finds it so appealing.
“I'm sorry. It just feels like I'm leaving him behind when he needs me most.”