“I know.” She rolls over, forcing me to look into those brown beauties of hers.
“How am I going to tell him that? That I'm just throwing him with Mike while I go live my dreams. He doesn't deserve it.”
“You're right.”
“Then why aren't you agreeing with me? Damn, Sweetness, you're throwing me all over the place.”
“Let's sleep on it, okay. Because I think that if we can have the opportunity to get prepared for what it will take to be there for Drake, then we should take that, even if it means he stays with my dad for a while. And if I'm being completely honest here, I should have just as much say as you do because who is going to be with Drake when I do move with you? Me. You're going to be at hockey practice or games. That l
eaves me and that's only after this upcoming semester. Trust me, Jake. I really think this is the right decision.”
“I'll think about it.”
Emily kisses me goodnight and I do think about it. I stay up most of the night, unable to sleep, as these thoughts plague me. It's roughly three AM and Emily jolts awake. She looks over at me, taking in my raised eyebrows and cuddles against me.
“Have you been awake all this time?” she whispers, trying not to break the fragile air.
“Yeah,” my voice is gruff.
“C'mon, love. You need some sleep.”
“I know.” Instead of focusing on my brother and decisions that need to be made, I focus on Emily, how her body curves to fit mine. Her breathing slowly comes in even intervals, rising and falling gracefully. The way something must be scaring her in her dreams as she grabs a fistful of my shirt. Soon, as I take in all the details I love about my Sweetness, I'm able to fall asleep, but not for long.
Morning comes all too soon and instantly the awaiting decisions bombard me. Emily's not in my bed, but within seconds, I hear laughter coming from Drake's room. Is my father really dead? How is it that I'm only nineteen and I've lost both parents? How is it that I'm faced with all of these tough decisions already? To think that these decisions would be so much more complicated if we hadn't of lost our baby just a year ago blows my mind.
It has finally hit me at how I've truly dodged some bullets while being with Emily and how easily life can change in an instant. Gratitude for what I do have comes to the surface. I'm thankful for Sweetness and Drake, even Mike. I'm thankful for the talent I possess with hockey and the upcoming opportunities.
I want to be able to provide Drake everything he needs. I want to be there for him, especially since there is no one left. The best way for me to do that is to prepare for that situation. Emily's right. This is a chance we should take. Sighing, I contemplate my decision. Now, I must explain to a nine year old why his big brother won't be taking care of him for a few months to a year.
Tossing the covers back, I ignore the creaks as I get out of bed. Walking across the hallway, I enter Drake's room. The laughter stops immediately and they both look at me.
“Can I talk to Drake for a moment, Sweetness?”
“Of course. I was just about to go make breakfast anyway.”
I take Emily's seat beside Drake and the words just come out of my mouth without much thought.
“Drake, you're going to stay with Mr. Mike for a while, okay? Emily and I have some kinks to work through first and then you get to come stay with us. What do you think about that?”
“I can't stay with you?” his bottom lip trembles.
“Not just yet. Drake,” I begin, but am quickly cut off.
“No! I'm not going! I want to stay with you, Jake. Don't leave me. Why does everyone keep leaving me?”
In a haste, I change my mind. “I'm not going anywhere, buddy. If you want to stay with me, then of course, you can. No one is leaving you, Drake. Not me, not Emily, and not Mr. Mike.”
“Promise?” Tears streak his slightly cubby cheeks.
“I promise.” I wrap my baby brother into a hug and make a vow to make things work. Sooner rather than later. Now, it's time to get down to business. My mind goes into overdrive as Emily hollers that breakfast is ready. I'm silent as we eat because my mind is working.
I have no idea how I'm going to care for my brother if Emily doesn't move with me to Chicago. How hard will it be to convince her? Will it be hard at all? I shake my head. Here I am planning on moving to Chicago when I don't even know if I'll make it to the second camp and afterwards.
But I do know.
I can feel it deep within myself that I'm going to get a contract. It's just a matter of working my ass off. Today, though, I have to call Uncle Roy and let him know what has happened. It didn't even cross my mind yesterday. He answers on the third ring as I wait patiently on the front porch.
“Hey, Jake. How are you doing?”