“Car accident. I opened the letter when I got home last night.”
Luca came forward and hugged her, surprising her with the strength of the embrace. “I’m glad, oh that sounds awful, doesn’t it? But I was worried about you. I told Vince—”
Mari pulled away. “You told Vince what?” Vince was their head of security, and she’d hired him herself two years earlier.
“I told him to keep an eye on you. To make sure you were protected.”
“And why does that matter to you?”
“How can you ask that?” He nearly exploded, spinning about and going behind the table, putting it between them.
Mari smiled and leaned slightly over the polished top. “I am asking that very thing. Why does my protection matter to you?”
“Because I…” He faltered and then scowled. “You know why.”
Oh, her Luca. He’d helped her more in a few short weeks than months of therapy ever had. She didn’t know how she could ever explain how much that meant. She knew in her heart she couldn’t let him go without a fight, so for the first time in her life, she stopped hiding in the shadows and came out to face her fear head on.
She let all her love for him shine out of her eyes. “Yes, I think I know why.” She straightened, folded her hands demurely and said with far more confidence than she felt: “Then stay. I love you, Luca. Stay with me and love me back.”
Nothing she could have said could have affected him more. His heart pounded at her words for a brief moment of elation before reality kicked in.
And in some small corner of his mind, he heard voices from his past. Voices asking for love and having it denied. Of going through the motions until it just wasn’t enough. He wasn’t fool enough to believe Mari actually meant it. And even if he did love her back—which he couldn’t possibly—it would be impossible for him to say the words.
“Mari, I don’t know what to say.” He knew he sounded cold and wished it were different. “I know what we said last night, about it meaning something, that was all true. But love…” His voice trailed away. He couldn’t say the words that leapt into his brain. I’m not ready for love.
“You’ve been through a horrible ordeal, and I think if you take time to look at it rationally, you’ll see your feelings are misplaced gratitude.”
“I do owe you thanks,” she agreed, and from the way she worried her fingers he could tell this wasn’t coming easily for her. “For showing me how to feel again, Luca. For forcing me out of my box and into the world again.”
Oh, what had he done! His brilliant plans. Never had he considered they would end like this!
“I don’t need your gratitude.”
She drew back and he tried hard to
ignore the hurt his jab had caused. It was written all over her face.
“You’re turning me away.”
He came around the table and took her icy hand in his. He’d give anything not to be breaking her heart right now, but he couldn’t give her what she wanted. He didn’t know how. He’d fought against it his whole life! He couldn’t just change who he was in an instant, just because she asked him to.
He remembered how she’d cried on his chest and poured out her pain. Hated himself for how much he wanted to stay and hold her that way. She’d made him weak. That’s what she’d done to him without even trying. And because he knew she hadn’t meant to do it, he placed all the blame firmly on himself for becoming vulnerable to her. And for giving her hope where he shouldn’t have.
He squeezed her fingers. “I meant what I said last night. We did have a connection, you and me. We just knew it wasn’t forever. I will always look back on this as a fond memory.”
He didn’t know how to handle her tears, but to his surprise she pulled her hands away from his and straightened her shoulders.
“A fond memory. That’s all.” She tried a smile but he saw through it to how deeply he’d hurt her and regret had a bitter taste.
He had to get out now before he made a huge fool of himself or hurt her feelings further. There really was no choice. He was due in Paris. He’d given his word he’d be there, and he’d never broken a promise to his father, even when he’d wanted to. Yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to break ties with The Cascade, either. Changing it, restoring it, had meant a great deal to him and he hated having to walk away from all their hard work. It was more than a project. It was his and Mari’s project. At least he knew that he was leaving it in good hands.
“I’m sorry you thought it was more. I’ll be in touch anyway, about the hotel. So this isn’t really goodbye.”
“That’s all you have to say?” Her blue eyes blazed up at him, looking for truth and he didn’t have any to give.
“Yes, that’s all.”
“This is goodbye, then. After everything.”