It was exactly what Eric had said. Molly gave a quick nod. “Okay.”
Once they were all bobbing, the instructors showed the correct paddling method, and they set off on little experimental lines in the immediate area. Molly looked over at Eric—his pa
ddle sliced confidently through the surface of the water. She set her jaw and dipped her paddle, moving her shoulder and torso as she pushed the blade against the resistance of the water, then did the same on the other side. She shot forward, scaring herself but feeling a little exhilarated just the same. Over the next thirty minutes, she learned how to turn and back up, and the instructor even demonstrated a roll...in case someone capsized.
The nerves bubbled up again, making it hard to breathe.
Eric slid up beside her, his boat barely making a ripple in the water. “You look like you want to throw up,” he said lightly.
But she shook her head. “Nope. I’m just not going to need to know how to roll because I’m not going to capsize.” She smiled brightly. “I didn’t get to where I am today by letting stuff happen to me. I know how to take charge. I just need to put my mind to it.”
Eric grinned. “Atta girl.”
She rolled her eyes. “Please.” She nudged away with her paddle. Maybe he didn’t mean to be condescending, but it was time she faced up to those fears. If she couldn’t handle a kayak, how was she going to handle telling her father she was leaving the firm?
Her body went cold. Was she really going to do that? Leave altogether? She knew she didn’t have to decide today, but was she really leaning toward a full exit and on to something entirely different?
It was like being on a trapeze without a safety net.
She managed to paddle another half hour and then, after they’d put up their kayaks for the night, she changed into yoga pants and a light hoodie and joined the group around a blazing fire. The wood snapped and sparked as they talked quietly, but Molly rarely spoke, instead sitting with her thoughts. What did she want to do if she wasn’t a part of the firm? Did she even still want to be a lawyer, or had that all been part of the expectations, too?
Eric showed up for about half an hour and then left again, and she was slightly relieved but more disappointed. He had a way of asking good questions and really making her think. Plus he was objective, wasn’t he? Oddly enough, she found herself wanting his input and advice.
His words came back to her, from that first day at the winery. His wife—ex-wife—had called him “unavailable.” Molly could see how that could be an accurate descriptor. He’d shared some things with her, sure, but he wasn’t exactly an open book. And tonight, when they might have sat and talked around a blazing fire, he sat on the other side and then disappeared.
No, this was something she was going to have to figure out on her own.
And that wasn’t a bad thing. Not at all.
* * *
The next morning dawned clear and mild. Sun streamed into Molly’s tent and she stared up at the nylon ceiling for a moment, listening to the sounds around her, including the soft lap, lap of the waves on the shore of the inlet. Today was her biggest challenge yet: paddling with whales. It was nearly September, and their guide had said there was other wildlife they might encounter while on their trip. Humpbacks, bigger than orcas, were occasionally seen, and porpoises, seals and sea lions were all strong possibilities. Once more her stomach tumbled nervously, out of simple respect that she was so very small in comparison to the larger mammals. She closed her eyes and let out a breath. Eric had been right yesterday. She had to trust their guides. This was their job, and Molly didn’t have to control everything.
She got up, dressed in yoga pants, a T-shirt and a light pullover and stepped outside her tent to start her day.
Breakfast was delicious and plentiful, and the group was full of barely concealed excitement for the day’s journey. She didn’t quite feel like eating and forced down as much as she could, as she’d be expending a lot of energy during the morning. Apparently they’d stop for lunch somewhere and then spend the afternoon coming back down the strait to base camp, dinner and a hot safari-style shower.
Before she was ready, they were at the shore, putting gear in dry bags and securing them in kayak compartments. For the first time, Molly regretted smashing her phone. It was her camera for the trip, and now she had nothing. Maybe when they stopped at a town again she’d grab a cheap digital camera so she’d have it for the rest of her vacation.
Shawn, the main guide, came over and put his hand on her shoulder. “You look nervous. If you like, you can double up with me or with Eric. The double kayaks are a little more stable.”
It was tempting, but her stubborn streak won out again. Yes, she had a terrible fear of being underwater, but she’d made it through snorkeling and she’d face this on her own, too. “I’ll be okay,” she assured him, more confidently than she felt. “I’ve got this. If you’re patient, that is.”
“Don’t worry. We have several first-timers in the group. Nothing is rushed. That’s not what the trip is about.” He smiled at her. “If you need anything, just let one of us know. That’s what we’re here for.”
He moved on and she glanced over at Eric, who was watching her. She gave a wave and a big smile, though the offer to partner up was incredibly tempting. At the end of the day she wanted to be able to say she did it. She wasn’t worried about any of the other activities, but the snorkeling and kayaking were the two things that gave her pause. The idea of somehow being underwater and unable to breathe simply freaked her out. She’d been that way since she was a kid. She took a deep breath. Maybe she’d made safe choices all along because she knew what it was to be in over her head...literally.
Everyone got inside their kayaks, and before she could say “killer whales,” she was in the water, clutching the paddle for dear life and semi-ready to face the challenge ahead.
They started out slowly, getting the hang of things and finding a rhythm with the paddles. Molly concentrated so hard she didn’t have much of a chance to really look around her and take in the scenery, but she was more focused on staying upright and her technique than the rugged shoreline or the view of the mountains on the mainland in the distance.
About an hour into their trip they paused and watched a group of Dall’s porpoises, their sleek forms arcing in and out as they raced through the water. Farther on they saw seals sunning themselves on rocks in the late-morning sun, a few of their little heads poking through the water, their dark eyes full of mischief. Molly got a little thrill as one adventurous seal followed along beside her kayak for a while. She wondered if the seal was curious or even somehow challenging her to a race, but after five minutes or so it disappeared beneath the surface and its little head popped up several meters away. They stopped for lunch and feasted on thick sandwiches, salad and iced tea, then took some time to sit on the rocks and chill out.
This was the most beautiful place Molly had ever seen. Not another person for miles. Not a house or a store or anything—it was untouched. She thought of her place back home, and all the day-to-day concerns that ate up her time. How many of them really mattered? They didn’t. Not here. And it made her crave a simpler life.
It also gave her some much-needed clarity.
She looked over at Eric. He was so handsome, so charismatic. The man who’d barged into her hotel bathroom in Victoria wasn’t the real Eric Chambault. Eric was genuine and smart and funny. So what if he didn’t spill his guts every second? They were strangers, after all. When all was said and done, he’d actually shared a lot, and had given her a boost of confidence on more than one occasion. Not to mention making her toes curl at their near kiss in the hot tub. She couldn’t deny that he was in her thoughts in ways that weren’t entirely innocent. What would happen if they kissed? Did she really want to go there? Wouldn’t it just complicate things?