“I never thought…” He smiled the crooked smile that hit her square in the chest every time she saw it. “I didn’t bring anything. It’s okay.”
She shouldn’t be disappointed, right? What had happened had been fantastic, but it wasn’t quite full-on sex. It wasn’t…him inside her. Not that way. It was different. And probably a step too far.
So she shouldn’t be disappointed. And yet she was.
He retrieved the bottom of her bathing suit and chuckled as he shook out the sand. “This is going to chafe if I don’t rinse it out,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
She pulled up her top and re-tied it as he went to the water. She watched his form the whole way. He was so beautifully built, muscled and tapered and perfect. To her surprise, he waded out to his thighs and then dove under. When he came back her bottoms were dripping but sand free.
He shook his head, spraying droplets of water. “That’s better.”
“It is?”
“Today’s equivalent of a cold shower,” he replied with a laugh. “Here. Hold out your legs and we’ll get these back on.”
It took some work as the wet fabric rolled and bunched, but with a final tug it was back in place.
He straightened his towel and plopped down on it. Kendra examined the nail polish on her toes rather than look at him. What had come over her? She’d been stretched out naked, out of doors, pliant in Jake’s arms and she’d….
She’d come apart right in his hands. Embarrassment crept in, uneasy and hot. She’d been out of control. And what was worse, she’d liked it.
“Kendra?”
She looked up at him, incredibly self-conscious.
“You get shy all of a sudden?”
She blushed. The heat rose in her cheeks and even the tips of her ears got hot. “I, uh…”
That was it. That was the sum total of her brilliant response.
He smiled. “Don’t worry. It’ll be our little secret.”
She swallowed past what felt like the beginnings of a case of heartburn. “That’s just it, Jake. I don’t want to have secrets with you.”
He frowned. “Look, I’m not the kiss-and-tell type. It doesn’t have to be any bigger than that, okay?” He spun on the towel and stared out to sea.
“I…I never meant that you were,” she stammered. “This is just…”
“Complicated?”
She let out a breath. It wasn’t the word she’d been thinking of, but it worked. “Yes. And a one-off, right? I mean neither of us is looking for… I mean, we don’t even really like each other.”
Why couldn’t she put the right words together? That sounded so harsh, when truthfully she liked him far more than she cared to admit. Why was it so hard to say the words sex and relationship? You’d think she was back in junior high or something.
His scowl deepened. “You’re right, of course. Let’s face it, I live in a tiny apartment above a bar and I’m a messed-up soldier. Not exactly take-home-to-Mom material, right?”
The words stung unbelievably. As if she’d ever be taking anyone home to Mom. She absorbed the pain. “I never said that, Jake. It’s more to do with me—”
“The cop and the bar owner?”
She blinked. For a convenient stretch of time, she’d forgotten what he did. He’d even put a sunny spin on it as they’d talked earlier. In some ways she knew he was right. But in others, she knew that for every responsible drinker there were more who weren’t. “No. The daughter of an alcoholic and a bar owner.”
The last thing she’d wanted to see on Jake’s face was sympathy and understanding, but there they were. “That explains it,” he murmured. “The wine earlier… You really don’t drink at all, do you?”
She shook her head. “No.”
He chuckled. “That’s actually pretty funny, because I only brought it because I thought you might like it. I don’t drink either.”