“You what?” She stared at him. “But you own a pub. That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s okay for someone who can handle it,” he remarked. “That wasn’t me anymore, so I decided I was done. I’m not against the odd drink. It’s just a choice I made. I had a toast the day I opened the place, and I haven’t had one since.”
She didn’t think there was anything he could have said that would have surprised her more than that. “Why?”
He looked away and shrugged. “I was using it to forget about my problems, but then I realized that when I stopped the problems were still there. It really wasn’t a very effective strategy.”
How she wished her mother had been strong enough to come to the same conclusion. Her respect for Jake slid up a few notches.
“I’m sorry about your dad. It must have been hard on you.”
She didn’t correct his assumption that it had been her dad who’d been the addict. And hard didn’t begin to cover it. She’d spent a good portion of her childhood alone, missing her father horribly, waiting for her mother to come home. Then the terrible dread when the key turned in the lock, wondering what sort of shape her mother would be in. Then there was the moving from place to place, the cheap apartments, the lack of food in the cupboard because Mom had either forgotten or had no money left for groceries.
And there was the remembering. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so hard if that life was all she’d known. But Kendra had remembered a time when she’d had a dad, and a sober mom, and a house and food and love and support.
It had been one thing to bare her body to Jake today, but it was another to bare her soul. So she shrugged and merely said, “Yeah, it was hard.”
“You still hungry? There’s food left.”
“I don’t know. I turned this into a major downer, didn’t I?”
“Oh, I don’t know. You can’t keep up intensity like that forever.” He smiled at her, a teasing little grin. “How about dessert?”
“It’s not cake in a cup. You have me curious.”
He turned and reached into the cooler and took out two bowls and a small plastic container. “Blueberry bread pudding. With caramel sauce.”
Her mouth watered. She adored bread pudding. How could he have possibly known that? She watched as he poured the rich caramel on the square of pudding and handed it over.
The first bite was pure heaven.
“Y
ou didn’t make this yourself,” she said, savoring another bite.
“I told you I could cook. Besides, it’s an easy recipe.”
She looked over at him. “Are you for real, Jake? Is there anything you can’t do?”
A shadow passed over his face, and he stabbed his own square of dessert with a savageness she didn’t expect.
“There’s a thing or two,” he replied, his jaw clenching as the dessert remained on his fork, temporarily forgotten.
Jake figured he could tell her. She’d opened up a little about herself and she’d understand right enough. But Kendra clearly wasn’t interested in starting anything up beyond today’s little episode, and he wasn’t into soul sharing. Never mind the little tidbit she’d revealed about herself. She’d been the kid of a drunk, but she wasn’t the one to blame.
No, Jake’s problem was that it was his fault. What couldn’t he do? Well, he wasn’t that great at protecting people, was he? And the problem with that was when he failed, people died.
Or worse. He’d come to the quick understanding that there were worse things than death.
“Jake?”
Her voice drew him out of the darkness and he forced himself to relax, muscle by muscle. “Sorry. Once you’re finished, maybe we should go.”
He tried to ignore the flash of hurt he saw on her face at the sharp tone of his voice. It wasn’t her fault. Or maybe it was. This was why he stayed away from women in general. He certainly hadn’t expected the afternoon to go the way it had. What he’d planned had been very different. Methodical. Getting to know her better, a little flirting, maybe a kiss goodbye. But he’d found himself in the moment and he’d improvised.
He’d improvised her right out of her clothes, hadn’t he? And he’d wanted desperately to bury himself inside her. He’d never seen anything as erotic as watching her come apart beneath his hands.
“If that’s what you want.” Her voice was small now, and he forced himself to turn and look her fully in the face.