In the Line of Duty (First Responders 2)

“God had very little to do with what happened that night,” he said bitterly. “I heard her being tortured and thought I would go crazy. I still hear them in my sleep. I should have protected her. I should have insisted on staying away from the very first. I was over there to help people like Khaterah, not kill them. And I’ll have to live with that until I die.”

His eyes were bleak, and Kendra stroked his hair back from his forehead, knowing there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to make it any easier. There was so much more to Jake than she’d ever expected. Behind the charmer, behind the glib barman, was a man who had served his country bravely. A man who had depths she hadn’t even imagined. Who had come home and gone on a two-month tear through town before being deployed again. “You went back,” she whispered. “How could you stand it?”

He blinked. “Not very well. It was my last deployment. I just wasn’t in the right headspace. There were…problems. Nothing official, but I was unpredictable after that.”

“What about help after you got home? There are programs—”

“For people who are a hell of a lot more messed up than me,” he said, sitting up straighter. “I went off the rails for a bit but I got myself straightened around. It ain’t perfect but it could be a lot worse. I came home in one piece without leaving bits of me over there, which is more than a lot of guys can say.”

Except his heart. Except his pride and perhaps even a piece of his humanity. Not that she would be the one to point that out. She was pretty sure he already knew exactly what he’d lost and didn’t need reminding.

All of it made her night seem like nothing compared to what he’d been through.

Except it wasn’t, not really. Because in the end someone innocent had still died. In the end, lives had been destroyed—not just the girl’s but those of her family, who would never be the same again.

But at least Kendra wouldn’t carry the weight of responsibility of it with her forever. Not like Jake did.

“Jake, I’m sorry,” she murmured in the deepening darkness.

“Why are you sorry?” Now that he’d finished his tale, his voice had softened to a deep rumble. “It wasn’t your fault. Nothing you could do.”

“I’m sorry I judged you. Sorry that you had to go through it at all.”

“You didn’t know. How could you?”

“And so you came home and bought the bar. Jake’s.”

“I wanted to be near my family. And I wanted to be done taking orders. When it came to running my own business, this made the most sense to me.” A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Running Jake’s has saved me the past few months. I needed something to ground me, and as much as I need to be near my family sometimes it’s hard. They ask too many questions. Worry too much.”

“Because they love you,” she replied softly. “You’re very lucky that way.”

“Unlike you? What about your parents?”

Something dark turned in the pit of her stomach. “I stopped trying to keep track of my mom a few years ago.”

“And your father?”

She focused on one of the buttons on his shirt. It was a slightly different color from the rest, like he’d lost one and replaced it with one that didn’t quite match. She let out a breath and let the words out. “My dad was killed in the line of duty when I was six.”

His arms tightened around her. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. My mom was never the same after that. She tried for a while, but the alcohol ran the house. We moved a lot.”

And that was how Kendra had gotten so good at being personable but not personal. She knew it. It usually wasn’t a problem. Except now she was getting personal with Jake and she wasn’t quite sure how to do it, how it worked.

“Anyway, like you, I needed something to ground me. The RCMP was it. And the valley has become my home now.”

“And yet you’re still flying solo.”

“You noticed.” Nothing got by Jake, did it?

“No family, no roommate, no boyfriend…”

“Old habits. No ties, no hard goodbyes, you know?”

“I’ll bet you’re sorry you went on a date with me then?”

She smiled. “No, not sorry about that. I needed it.” She wasn’t sorry either. She’d needed the day out. She’d needed to laug