“Thanks for coming out today. It’s good to see Jake get out more. We were sort of worried when he threw himself into working at the pub so much.”
“Oh, well…” Her discomfort grew. “I didn’t really have anything to do with that. Jake invited me today, not the other way around.”
And then John smiled, that same half-grin Jake used when he was feeling particularly confident. “You’re good for him. His mother and I have noticed he’s been different lately.”
She looked away, handing the clubs back in and taking the moment to regroup. When she turned back around she put on her most polite smile. “We’re just friends, Mr. Symonds. I wouldn’t want you or Jake’s mom to get your hopes up. We’re not a couple.”
She never should have come today.
She looked up to see Jake standing not five feet away, watching her closely. John cleared his throat and took a step back.
“Jake,” he said, giving a nod.
Jake nodded back. “Dad.”
John left them alone, but there was still a fair crowd in the pro shop. Jake took her hand and tugged, his grip firm, and she knew she couldn’t release her hand without making a fairly good production of it. He led her outdoors, past the clubhouse entrance, past the large windows overlooking the valley.
He finally released her hand when they were beneath the shade of a large maple tree.
“Jake, what I said to your dad—”
“Did you mean it? That we’re not a couple?”
She couldn’t believe he was asking. “Of course I meant it. Good Lord. We agreed that today was just as friends. You don’t need to sound so insulted.”
“I never agreed it was just as friends.”
She wrinkled her brow. “Yes, you did. I distinctly remember you saying that at my apartment. You said teammates.”
“I said we needed to slow things down. I meant,” he added significantly, “that we didn’t need to be jumping into bed. I never said I didn’t want to.”
Didn’t he? “That’s what I understood.”
His eyes suddenly looked sad as they gazed into hers. “Of course you did. Because you don’t see yourself as loveable. You get very little from people because you don’t expect things of them. You don’t want me to care for you. You don’t want me to want you because you don’t expect someone can. You don’t demand it. Instead you hide away. Behind your uniform. In your apartment.”
“Like you hide behind the bar? I know, Jake. And even if I didn’t, your dad enlightened me.”
“But I don’t deny it.” Jake squeezed her fingers. “I know you’re scared. I know you feel like you’re in strange territory. But it doesn’t have to be scary, Kendra.”
She was scared. “I don’t want to care for you. I know this is just temporary for you. If I let my feelings get involved, the one who is going to get hurt is me.”
He dropped her hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “I also never said this was temporary. You can be so frustrating,” he said, pacing a few steps. “And a lot of work.”
“Then why bother?” She shrugged as she said it, using her defensiveness as armor. It felt good, familiar.
“Because relationships are work. And for most of your life you’ve felt like you weren’t worth the bother. Maybe it’s time someone showed you that you are.”
She stepped back, unable to think of a single thing to say. Did he mean him? Impossible. Jake Symonds didn’t do relationships. Jake Symonds was a wild card, reckless and cavalier.
Only he wasn’t, and she knew it.
“That scares you to death, doesn’t it??
? he asked. She still couldn’t find the words to answer as everything seemed to freeze inside her. “The idea that someone might care for you. That someone might want to be with you. That someone might actually stick around.”
It was the last words that opened up something inside her. “You don’t know what it’s like,” she replied harshly. “You and your perfect family. You never had to wonder if you were loved. You probably had your clothes washed and groceries in the fridge and the heat on. You knew your father was coming home from work and that your mother would be there to soothe your hurts. Well, I never had that, Jake! So excuse me if I have a hard time believing you.”
“But you do believe me, and that’s the trouble, isn’t it?” His eyes blazed at her. “You know I mean it. I do care for you. I do want to be with you. And I might just stick around. It’s not me caring that scares you. It’s that you might just care for me. You might have to put yourself out there and care back. And then that runs the risk of someone disappointing you. So instead of letting yourself care for anyone, you build a wall around yourself so no one can get in.”