He stepped forward, tipped up her chin. “Except I did get in. The very last person you wanted.”
She stumbled backwards, away from the gentle warmth of his touch, away from his eyes that seemed to see right into the heart of her. “Can you give me guarantees?”
“Of course not. No one can.” He leaned back against the trunk of the tree. “God, Ken. I was in Afghanistan. I know how useless guarantees are. But it doesn’t take being a cop or a soldier to face risks. Life is a risk. Look at that girl in the accident. Sometimes things are out of our control. People leave. People die.” His voice shook on that last word. “But goddamn it, it doesn’t mean we stop living or looking for things to make life worthwhile.”
“I don’t know how.” It was the only answer she knew to give.
“I know that. It’s why I told you I wanted to take things slow. To step back. Because I knew words weren’t going to cut it. Because I knew I was going to have to show you.”
It was like he was holding out something beautiful and fragile. All she had to do was reach out and take it.
“You have to let people love you,” he said quietly. “Otherwise what’s the point?”
“I can’t.”
He let out an exasperated sound and began to walk away. But he didn’t get far. He spun back around and his face was dark and angry and perhaps, she thought, a little bit hurt.
“I was wrong,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I thought if I was honest, if we took it slow…but you have to be willing to meet me halfway. And you’re not.”
“So you’re giving up on me too?”
He shook his head. “No. You gave up on yourself. You know where to find me. I’m not going anywhere.”
He turned away and started walking. Back to the clubhouse. Away from her. Panic started to thread through her veins, making her heart beat fast. He was right. She knew he was right. But was it enough?
Was she strong enough? She was in love with him. She finally admitted that the feeling she’d been holding in was love. In love with how he made her feel. How he made her laugh, how he held her when she cried, how he seemed to understand what she was feeling without saying a word. She loved how he touched her and lit her on fire, and how he went up in flames himself beneath her touch. She loved him for his honesty. His…integrity. All the things she’d never known he was. In the short time they’d known each other, he’d shared them all with her.
And she’d shared so little back. And still he thought she was worth it.
How could she love him and survive him walking away?
But he was already walking away, wasn’t he? And she might never know what it was to be loved by him—truly loved.
He was halfway across the lawn now and he’d never paused. Never once stopped and looked back.
“Jake!”
She called out to him and started across the grass, careful steps as her chest constricted. He halted and turned around. The tenuous connection that always seemed to run between them flared to life. Her footsteps quickened until she was nearly jogging. And when she reached him she didn’t think, didn’t hesitate, didn’t analyze. She simply threw her arms around his shoulders, stood up on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his.
His arms came around her and held her close as he kissed her back—full-on, open-mouthed, holding nothing back. His hand slid up her back and cupped the back of her head as he took control, holding her on her toes by cinching a strong arm around her waist.
“Don’t walk away,” she cried softly. “Please. I don’t want you to walk away.”
“I’m right here.”
“I know.” She kissed his cheek, the corner of his mouth. She tasted something warm and salty and realized she’d started crying. For a fleeting moment, she was embarrassed. They weren’t exactly being private, and any number of people could be witnessing the moment, including his parents. But for the first time in her adult life, she didn’t care.
“I’m so scared,” she confessed in a rush. “So afraid and unsure and lost. It worked for me but it’s not working anymore. Because if I stay that way I won’t have you. And suddenly that seems very, very important.”
“I never said it would be easy,” he murmured. “I never said it would be fast. And I don’t want to make promises you’re not ready for.” He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her, long and slow and deep. “That I might not be ready for either. But what can I say? I’m falling in love with you, Kendra, and I want to take the time to work at just being us. Because I think this might be it.”
He held her back at arm’s length and looked into her eyes. “But you need to be in it with me.”
She nodded, reassured by the warmth of his hands on her shoulders. “I’m in.” She swiped at the tears on her face. “Because I think I might be falling in love with you too.”
He pulled her close and tucked her head against his shoulder. Her visor was getting in his way so he reached for it and dropped it to the ground. He kissed her hair. “Then that’s all we need to know,” he whispered. “And we take the rest day by day.”
They stood there for long moments, settling, accepting, strengthening. Finally, Kendra stepped back and wiped the remaining moisture off her face. When she looked up, Jake was smiling at her.