Emily’s heart ached. Staying meant staying with Luke and despite last night’s kiss she knew it was impossible. “My plans are still the same, Liz. But I’ll be here until the end of the summer. Hopefully things will have normalized with your father by then.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Liz said, settling Alyssa on her arm. “After last night…”
“Don’t read too much into it,” Emily replied lightly, though butterflies went through her stomach as the memory danced through her mind. “It was just a kiss.” A kiss that hadn’t been mentioned again. It was almost as if it had never happened. As if neither of the kisses had happened now that Emily thought of it. And yet, at the time they had been heart-stoppingly intimate… The way Luke looked at her, as though she was the only woman on earth. The way his fingers touched her face. She hadn’t imagined the connection between them. But they had just been caught in the moment. They had to be, for him to become so distant afterwards.
“I don’t think it was just a kiss.”
Emily needed to change the subject and while Liz and her husband were back home—together—Emily wondered about Luke. “Is Luke still at the home?” she asked, busying herself with putting the children’s dirty glasses in the dishwasher.
“Yes, he wanted to stay with Dad.”
Alone. Emily felt annoyance niggle at her. Didn’t his sisters realize that Luke needed support, too? Someone should be with him. Liz and Cait didn’t have to go through this alone—why should Luke?
He needed her. She wished she were stronger. She wished she could stay emotionally uninvolved. That was her problem—she let herself feel too deeply. Her heart twisted as she realized he’d supported her at a time she needed it most. She couldn’t turn her back on him. But there was Sam to think of, too. She wasn’t sure the care home was the place for him, not at such a time. “I’ll go pick him up,” Emily said, reaching for her purse. “Can I come back and pick up Sam later?”
The sound of laughter at a song in the movie echoed from the living room. Liz’s keen eyes watched her closely, but for once Emily didn’t care what she thought. “Why don’t you let him stay here? He can have a sleepover with the girls. We’ve got an air mattress and sleeping bag and it’ll be fun. After what you did for me today—it’s the least we can do. He can go to camp with the girls in the morning and you can pick him up after.”
It was a perfect solution. “If you’re sure…”
“Of course I’m sure. Don’t be silly.”
Emily settled everything with Sam, who was overjoyed and not the least bit apprehensive about spending the night away from her.
The evening had mellowed, losing the July glare and settling into a hazy, rosy sunset as Emily drove back to the nursing home. Inside, all was quiet. Her shoes made soft sounds on the polished floor. Dialogue from a television turned low murmured from a common room and the hushed voices of staff kept the place from feeling totally empty. She got the room number from an attendant and walked down a quiet hall. When she got to the correct room on the right she peeked around the doorway.
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Luke was sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, the very picture of defeat. The blinds were closed and the only light came from a tiny lamp in the corner. There was no movement from the man beneath the white-and-blue sheets, but Emily could see that Luke had his father’s hand folded within his own. There were tears on Luke’s face; silent ones, leaving a broken, shining trail down his tanned cheeks, and he lifted his father’s hand to his lips and kissed it.
Emily backed out of the room and leaned back against the wall, pulling in a shaking breath as she struggled to hold on to her composure. Luke was the strong one. Luke didn’t show emotion. The man who handled everything without complaint was crying.
She closed her eyes. Everything slid into place, but it wasn’t a comfortable feeling. She had fallen in love. It was unexpected and unwanted, but it was undeniable. She had been attracted to him from the beginning—to his strength, to his kindness, to his generosity. But it was this human side of him, the part that crumbled apart with his father’s hand in his, that toppled her over the edge. Perhaps it was the sense that he had so much love to give but spent his life alone. Or perhaps it was sensing that he needed love so desperately. That he was hungry for it and would rather starve than ask for it.
Where it would lead she had no idea, nor was tonight the time to worry about it. Tonight, other things were more important. Like the fact that Luke was alone in there. His sisters had gone home to their husbands and families, but Luke had stayed. Who was there for him? To whom could he unburden himself at the end of the day? She’d told Liz the plan was the same—that she would be leaving at the end of the summer. It was still true. Luke did not return her feelings. She wouldn’t delude herself into pretending he did, or wish for what wouldn’t be. A few kisses meant little in the bigger scheme of things.
She hadn’t meant to fall for him, and no one could be more surprised, but she’d spent enough time lying to herself in the past few years that she knew she had to be brutally honest. The timing was horrible—her whole situation was in flux and she was coming out of a devastating divorce. But she loved him. She would not be leaving the ranch with her heart intact. There was nothing she could do about it. It was too late.
Now she had two choices. She could back away, protect herself. Leave, if it came to that. Or she could take what precious time she had to help him through this.
There really was no contest. She was tired of running away from her failures and away from memories. This time she would stand.
“You always were a sucker for punishment,” she murmured to herself. She let out her breath and stepped back around the corner.
Luke held his father’s hand in his. It felt small now, and he thought of being a child and putting his hand within his father’s wide palm, innocent and trusting. He’d worshipped his father, wanted to do everything just like him. He’d followed him through the barns and fields, learned to ride, learned to herd cattle and work the land. As he’d grown, they’d had their differences. New things had become important.
Luke had felt the need to stretch his legs, explore new places and people as he’d become a young man. They’d argued. There’d been resentment on both sides, but none of it mattered now. The tables were perfectly turned. Luke was the parent. His father was the one with the small hand, the one relying on Luke to be strong and do the right thing for everyone.
Only there was nothing he could do. There never had been, and knowing he was helpless was almost more than he could bear. Luke pressed the frail hand to his lips and felt the tears sting behind his eyes. He let them come, sitting in the semi-darkness, away from the forlorn gazes of his sisters and the sympathetic pats from the nurses. He let grief and exhaustion have its way for once. There was no one to see. No one to witness the coming apart that had been building since that horrible night when the fire department had come and he couldn’t ignore the signs any longer. No one should have to go through this…this awful watching and waiting. He would never put anyone through such an ordeal. Never.
He’d made the promise long ago, but it had come with a price. Tonight he paid that price as he sat alone, wondering why the hell it had all gone wrong and wishing, with a sinking sense of guilt, that he could turn back the clock and do things differently.
He squeezed the hand and there was no squeeze back. Luke laid his head on the edge of the bed and wept.
The fingers on his shoulder were firm and strong and he knew in an instant it was Emily. Damn her for coming and seeing him like this. He swallowed against the giant lump in his throat, choking on the futility and pain as he struggled to regain control. He swiped his hand over his face, wiping away the moisture he’d allowed himself to indulge in. But she’d seen him this way. Broken. He hated that she could see his weakness, but it came as a relief, too. It felt good to stop pretending. He didn’t have to be strong for her the way he’d always had to be for Cait and Liz. With Emily he could just be Luke.
Emily stood behind him and looped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to the top of his head in a gentle kiss. They stayed that way for a few minutes until he regained his composure, and then he reached for her hand, tugging her to his side and pulling an empty chair over alongside his.
“You came.” His voice came out rough, and he cleared this throat quietly.