“Of course I did.”
“I couldn’t bring myself to leave him here alone. Not yet.”
Emily held his hand in hers and her thumb moved over the top of his hand, warm and reassuring. “It’s okay, Luke. It’s all okay.”
“I’ve never lost it like that before.”
“Then it’s about time. Would you rather be alone?”
She felt as if she was holding her breath as she waited for him to answer. He could send her away right now and that would be the end of it. It would break this damnable connection that seemed to run between them. It would solve his problems where she was concerned. He was going to have to send her away some time—they had no future together. Now was probably a good time. Before things went any further.
But he gripped her fingers, needing her. Wanting her to stay with him. “No. Stay, please.”
She squeezed his fingers back, saying nothing. She just sat with him. Beside him, somehow knowing exactly what he needed. Just as she’d done all day. She’d come with him to the nursing home and she’d stepped in to help instinctively, making it easier on all of them. Helping him by helping his family. Emily was weaving herself into his life without even trying. God, even now he couldn’t imagine going back to the empty house without her. He’d told himself that anything more was simple physical attraction. But he’d been wrong. He was falling for her. He cared about her. And he needed her. Perhaps that was the most disturbing of all. He didn’t want to need anyone.
He knew in his heart he shouldn’t be letting her get this close, but tonight he didn’t have the strength to push her away. He looked down at his father’s still features and felt his insides quiver.
Tonight he realized that people did not have to die for you to grieve for them.
Emily had no words to make things better, so she simply sat and held his hand. After nearly an hour, and when the shadows grew long, he finally sighed and lifted his head. “I think it’s time to go.” He looked around suddenly. “I never even thought—Emily, where is Sam?”
Emily smiled. It was the second time today he’d asked about her son—what a change from his attitude when she’d first arrived. “It’s okay. He’s staying at Liz’s for the night. He was very pleased to be having a sleepover. When I left them, the kids were watching a Disney movie and eating popcorn.”
“You left him with my sister?”
“Shouldn’t I have?” She wondered why Luke was frowning at her.
“It’s just…you don’t let him out of your sight. You’re the mama bear.”
He was right. She was protective of Sam. “You were the one who said I had to stop holding on so tight. And tonight you needed me more.”
His gaze clung to hers as the softly spoken words hovered in the room. She knew he would never admit needing her, but it was true. Sam was fine. Emily knew Luke had been right all along. She’d focused solely on Sam because he was all she had. That wasn’t true any longer, but would Luke let her in?
“He’s such a good boy, Emily.”
She picked up her purse, her throat thickening as she recalled hearing Sam’s laughter mingled with Luke’s as he’d ridden around the corral. “I know.”
“And you’re a good parent. You always put him first.”
Emily looked up at him as they shut off the light. She wasn’t sure he was so right about that part. Lately she’d been putting herself and her own wants ahead of those of her son. She’d bought into Luke’s logic that Sam was already going to miss the farm so why not let him enjoy it? But it was really her. She didn’t want to leave yet. And as much as she wanted to be there for Luke tonight, that fact niggled at her.
“So are you, Luke. You looked after your sisters. You still do. It was so clear when you saw them today. They lean on you. You are their guidepost.”
He shut the door quietly behind them and held her hand as they walked down the hall. “Not many understand that. But you do.”
“I hope the girls realize it, too,” Emily remarked. “I think they are so used to you being their rock that they forget you’re human, too.”
He stopped, staring at her with surprise. “What are you saying, Emily?”
She lifted her chin and looked right in his eyes, still red-rimmed from his visit with his father. “I mean they are so used to you looking out for them that they might forget you need support, too. It goes both ways.”
“They were younger than me. They didn’t see things the same way I did.”
Emily nodded. “Undoubtedly. Is that why yo
u’ve never married? You were too busy bringing up your sisters? Too busy living up to your responsibilities to have a relationship?” She squeezed his fingers. “How much have you really sacrificed, Luke?”
His jaw tightened. “I suppose I’ve never met the right one.” He tried to brush off her questions, but the tense tone of his voice made the attempt fall flat. What wasn’t he saying?