Beneath the Badge (First Responders 4)

For a few moments back there she’d been jealous. She’d felt proprietary. But Matt wasn’t hers. She’d made sure of that. And she could bring him pizza on a bad day but wasn’t really equipped to offer him more than that. So it shouldn’t really matter that there was a strange woman sharing his place tonight. Maybe even sharing his bed.

But it did matter. More than she expected or wanted it to.

Chapter Seven

The pizza box was warm on the palm of his hand and he stared out the door for a few moments before sighing, turning around and kicking it shut with his booted foot.

“Girlfriend? Ex?” Jan smiled and lifted a single eyebrow. “Wannabe?”

“Complicated,” he answered. He liked Jan. They’d met at a mock-search event a few months earlier and hit it off. When he’d seen her today it had been nice to see a friendly and familiar face. That was as far as it went though. In Matt’s eyes, she was a colleague, nothing more, and she had a boyfriend. He’d extended the invite to crash as he would have if she’d been a man. As a buddy.

She laughed, grabbing the ends of her towel. “She didn’t like seeing me here. Is that good for you or bad?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe good. I didn’t know she had it in her to be jealous.”

She gave him a knowing look. “Matt, if you and I were…and I saw you with someone else…” She grinned. “I’d claw her eyes out. Just lucky for you I’m spoken for.”

“He’s okay with you staying here the night?”

She shrugged. “He trusts me and I trust him. Besides, he’s deployed, so it’s not like he’s home waiting for me to come in the door. It’s empty there all alone. But another six weeks and hopefully he’ll be home.” Another smile lit her face. “Then you’ll be lucky to see me outside the house. I’ll be stuck to him like white on rice.”

She held out her hand and waggled her fingers. “So tell me, are we going to eat that or just let it get cold?”

He got out plates and a couple of cans of pop from the fridge. Before long they had stuffed themselves with pizza. The whole time Matt was thinking how Lindsay should be there eating with them. It had been a rotten day. Just being around her would have made things better.

But then, she didn’t want to

know about his day. How the case made him relive scenes he’d rather forget. It was his job to stay focused and impersonal, but he was really struggling with it. The change of pace here was supposed to heal things, make them better. Make him forget. Instead, he’d been thrown into the mix of a nasty case, and by the look of the evidence piling up, it was likely going to come to a violent conclusion.

It occurred to him that he’d made a critical error. There really was no escaping the ugliness of humanity. No place was immune. Not even this pretty, small town.

And if that were true, what was he going to do? Could he really stay on the job and find a way to deal with the stuff he’d seen and done?

Or was he actually considering leaving law enforcement altogether? When had a person had enough to make them walk away? And who was he if he wasn’t a cop?

“Matt? You okay?”

Jan’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked up, slightly disoriented. He’d been so deep in his own head he’d actually forgotten she was there.

“I’m okay. A bit tired.”

He snagged another slice of pizza but just picked at the crust. He wished now that he’d never offered Jan a place to sleep. If he’d been alone, Lindsay would have stayed, shared dinner. Maybe they would have made love. Or he could have held her in his arms for a while. Lately it seemed that nothing made him feel quite as alive as being with her.

But knowing Lindsay’s past, knowing the job her father’s illness had done on her, how could he ask her to take him on? She was the only person he really wanted near right now—and for the first time in his life he wasn’t selfish enough to take what he wanted. He really, truly cared for her, didn’t he? Enough to think of her first. Enough to let her go.

“It’s been a long day, and we’re in for a longer one tomorrow.” He faked a smile and put the plates from the pizza in the sink. “You take the bed. I’m going to have a quick shower and I’ll take the couch.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m the one crashing, remember?”

He stared past her. “Believe me, I’ve slept in places far worse than my couch. The bed’s all yours.”

“If you’re sure, thanks.”

He let out a breath. “Sorry I’m not very good company.”

“You’ll feel better after a shower. Don’t sweat it. We could both use some sleep. We’ll be up before dawn.”

He nodded and escaped to his room to grab some clean clothes. The hot shower felt good but the nagging, heavy feeling persisted. Miranda Jones was out there somewhere. He knew it in his gut. They weren’t going to find her in a nearby town or holed up in someone’s house, oblivious to the fact that people were looking for her. This was not going to have a happy ending. She was out there, and he should be thinking only of locating her and moving forward with the investigation. He should be seeking answers.