“I know it was a hard night—”
“I was upset at you.” She kicked off her heels. “I heard you talking to your mother. And just so you know, I’m booked on a flight back home tomorrow morning. Leaving from Newark.” It was the only direct flight she could manage, and she did not want to spend two hours in Toronto going through customs and sitting around waiting for another flight.
His face blanked, and a flush crept up his neck. “I don’t know what you think you heard...”
Her anger flared now, hot and bright. “Please, do me the courtesy of not lying to my face again. I’m not mistaken. I have excellent hearing.”
“My mother doesn’t bring out my best qualities.”
“Oh, you mean like finding out you’re a liar? That you did exactly what you promised you wouldn’t do?”
“I don’t understand. Why are you yelling at me?”
Because you don’t love me, she wanted to scream, but she could hardly do that. It sounded pitiful and she wasn’t going to beg.
“It’s okay that you’re not in love with me. And yeah, we haven’t known each other long, despite the fact that we’re having a baby together. But you used me, and you pretended to care, because you’d do anything to ensure you show your mother what a horrible parent she was. Even pretend to love me. And those are your words, not mine.”
His mouth fell open.
She waited.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he said, his voice quiet and rough.
“Clearly. But I did hear it, and I’m glad. Because you manipulated me. Tell me, Jeremy, if you manipulate the mother of your child, are you going to manipulate the baby, too? Use him or her to work out all your own mommy and daddy issues?”
His cheeks reddened. “This is so easy for you to say, when you had two parents growing up who clearly loved and cared for you.”
Tori took a step forward. “You are a grown man. Do not blame your poor decision-making on your mother. You had the chance to act with integrity. This is on you, and not anyone else.” Tears burned in her eyes. “You used my emotions. But more than that, you’ve lost my respect. And that hurts almost as much as knowing you played me.”
His face twisted in pain, and he turned away for a moment. She saw his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath. Then he turned back. She didn’t want to be moved by the look in his eyes. He looked tortured, but she steeled her spine. If he was, it was because he was dealing with the consequences of his actions.
“You’ve got it all wrong.”
“How do I have it wrong? I heard you. Clear as day.”
“I lied.”
Her traitorous heart kicked a little bit when he said it, but she quickly replaced the momentary elation with doubt. “You lied...to whom? To me? To your mother? How am I supposed to believe you?”
Jeremy ran his hand through his hair, a gesture she now knew he used when he was agitated. “To my mother. Do you seriously think that I would admit my feelings for you to her?”
“Why not? What would happen if you did? It’s not like you have a great relationship with her anyway.”
“I just... I keep my feelings locked away there. Anytime I tried to talk to her as a kid I was told to get over it or I got a laundry list of all the advantages I had and how I was ungrateful for complaining. It’s what I do, on instinct. So does Sarah. We all do.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t... I mean, it’s a vulnerability thing.”
She could understand that, but it didn’t excuse his behavior. “Again, Jeremy, you’re a grown man. You’re educated, successful. Powerful. And you can’t stand up to your mom? That says a lot to me.”
“I don’t want her to know how I feel. I don’t want her to see any weakness. My feelings for you—”
“What, make you weak?” Hardly a compliment. “When people care about each other, it’s supposed to make them more, not less. And somehow you’ve got it in your brain that weakness, vulnerability, is a bad thing. It’s not.”
“It’s never been a good thing,” he bit back. “For Pete’s sake, I don’t even think I know how to love anyone. This whole situation terrifies me.”
Everything was falling apart. Even if it was true that he’d lied to his mom, that he really did care about her, he considered that a chink in his armor.
She wanted to believe his feelings for her were real. But even if they were, tonight had cast serious doubts on their future. If he was incapable of loving, if he considered that a weakness, how could he possibly love their baby? For all his good intentions, she never wanted her child to feel rejected by its father. Or to have to beg for affection.
“Let me tell you about weakness,” she said quietly. “And vulnerability. From the moment I discovered I was pregnant, I knew I was vulnerable because of the power imbalance in our situations. I wouldn’t have the resources to fight you for custody of our child if you decided to take me to court. Then you showed up and I was forced to tell you the truth. I figured if we could be on good terms, we could work through something together. You reminded me of the man I met in the summer. You were kind. I started to care for you again. You asked me to come here, and I did. You asked me to uproot my life and I was willing to consider it, even though the job I love and my family and friends are all back in Nova Scotia. I trusted you. I believed in you. And I’m not afraid to say it, even though you are. I fell in love with you.”