Looking for You (Oh Captain, My Captain 1)

“Well, when Whitney showed up at my house, I was pretty shocked. She didn’t give me a lot of choice about going to the game or not. I didn’t know your mom would be there, but I really like them both. They helped me understand everything that was going on. I got confused a little, but you looked great out there.” Ellie smiles a little at the memory.

“Yeah, Mom almost always comes during playoff season. Dad would have been there, but he wasn’t feeling well. Did you have fun?” I ask, really hoping the answer is yes.

“Yeah, I did actually. You know, once I got over you being slammed into the wall, or boards, or whatever it’s called. It was more intense than what I thought it would be.” She was worried about me then? I try not to smile.

“It’s a little less intense during the regular season, but the stakes are so much higher right now.”

“I can understand that. Whitney told me about the playoff beards, and how superstitious you all are. I found it informative and funny at the same time.”

We’ve beat around the bush long enough and we’ve hit a lull in the conversation. I have to ask and find out if there’s any chance that she’ll let me love her. After taking a deep breath, I look into her brown eyes and softly say, “Do you forgive me, Ellie?”

“I trusted you, and you lied to me, Hudson.” The pain she’s feeling pierces through me. Then she adds, “Even though you say you ‘omitted’ it, I still see it as a lie.”

“I know I lied. I’m asking for you to forgive me and accept all of me, including my faults.” I’m asking, begging, pleading, wishing with all my heart that she’ll give me another chance. Yes, I knew better all along than to do this, but I was selfish and stupid. All I need is for her to forgive me.

“Do you realize the first time that you said you loved me, I told you that I hated you?” I wish with all my heart that I could forget it. “Then last night, sitting there with your family, your mom said something, and it hit me. I’m mad and hurt, but I can’t hate you.” Ellie angles towards me. “Hudson, I love you. When you were on the ice, you were different, but I could still see the guy I fell in love with. I can’t handle anymore lies. Trust is important, and honesty is key to making everything work.”

The urge to reach out and touch her is almost too much to bear. But I can’t do that yet. The memory of the night of the fundraiser easily plays through my mind, causing me to force my eyes closed for a moment at the agony of hearing those words coming from the perfect girl. My girl. “I know the first time I said it, you told me you hated me because I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’ll never lie to you again, promise. I love you too much to lose you again.”

Ellie stays silent for a moment before she says, “Then I have an idea, if you want to hear it.”

“Of course. I’ll do anything you want.” Absolutely anything for this girl.

Ellie turns and faces me completely. “We’re starting with a clean slate.” Her eyes are determined as she sticks out her hand to me. “Hi, I’m Ellie Sullivan.”

Cracking a smile, I take her hand in mine. “Hey, Ellie. I’m Hudson King.”

Fake shock makes her mouth from an ‘O.’ “Oh my God, are you that famous hockey player from Portland?”

I laugh, happiness pouring through me. “Yes, but I prefer hockey player extraordinaire. Are you a fan?”

“I am now.” She grins.

As soon as the words have left her mouth, I pull her to me and kiss her. God, I’ve missed her. Ellie’s body is soon flush against mine with me laying on my back. Holding her to me tightly by her hips, Ellie kisses me deeply, the bitterness of the coffee I had before she got here mingling with the taste of her. Suddenly, she stops and rests her head on my forehead. A faint smile rests on her lips.

“This is a little too much too soon considering I just met you a minute ago, don’t you think?”

Chuckling, I lift my mouth to hers softly. “Maybe so, but I’ve been looking for you and waiting for you for a long time.” Bringing my hands up to cup her cheeks, I add, “I love you.” A rush flows through my veins as if I just gave her my soul and now it’s hanging in the balance between us, waiting for her reply.

“I love you too, Hudson.” She leans down, presses her lips against mine, sweeping her tongue into my mouth. When her hands clench my shoulders, I lean back to kiss her cheek. Before I can ask her a question, she rests her forehead against mine again, closes her eyes, and whispers, “I’m still not ready.”

“That’s fine, baby. You can open your eyes now.” I chuckle with a kiss on her forehead. After she does, I ask, “Can I show you all of me now?”

Ellie glances at the TV. “The movie is still on.”

“We can finish it later. Please?”

“Yeah, of course. I would like that.”

I leave her in the living room while I go into my bedroom to grab two pairs of skates, putting them in a duffle bag for now. Whit keeps a pair here for her and hopefully, they’ll fit Ellie. We’ll use the sticks and pucks that are at the arena. I want her to feel what it’s like to be on the ice in a place that big, even if no one else is there.

“Ready?” I ask when I come back into the room.

Ellie nods and once she walks over to me, I take her hand. The ride is pretty quiet. Once we get to the arena, Ellie is still silent, but she seems to be absorbing it all. We haven’t even gotten to the ice just yet. I say hi to the people we pass, grab two sticks and a couple of pucks before heading to the rink.

“Wow,” she breathes after we’ve walked through the tunnel. “It looks even bigger from here.”

“It’s amazing, right? Just imagine thousands of loud people in here.”