She hisses through her teeth.
“Yeah, exactly.” I hang my head. “I can’t even get him to look at me anymore.”
“You don’t think he is…” she trails off on her question, but I know what she’s thinking.
“No. Jax would never cheat on me. I just don’t know how to fix our marriage. I want to suggest counseling or maybe a separation for a little while. Then again, we’re always away from each other. He’s on the road, and I’m at work.”
“Why don’t you take a vacation?”
I give her a pointed look. “When? It’s the middle of hockey season. Jax can’t just call in sick, especially since he’s the captain.”
“Well, travel with him for a few road games. I mean, he isn’t on the ice twenty-four/seven, is he?”
“No, but he always has something to do. He has to work out with the guys, has to keep the rookies in line, or make some grand entrance somewhere,” I sigh in defeat.
What’s the point of this conversation? Nothing. I can’t travel with him and he can’t take it break. That’s it.
I love Jax. I love him more than anything in this world, but his job is number one, and I don’t know how long I can deal with being number two in his life.
“I’m going home.”
I rush out the door and toward the nurses’ lounge to clock out. I don’t want to think about anything anymore. I want my life back. I want my Jax back.
When I reach my car, I sit there. I can’t figure out where I belong anymore. I had my life planned out perfectly until the day Jax fell into my life. I still remember that day. It seems like a lifetime ago, but it’s picture perfect in my mind.
Jax’s mop of messy black hair and a big smile made my heart beat faster. He asked me out every single time I walked into his room without fail. I said ‘no’ repeatedly, but eventually, he wore me down.
It was our first date that I think I fell in love with him. No, I know that is when I loved him. He and I had arranged a lunch date. I was working third shifts at the time, but knew that I would have plenty of time to take a quick nap and be ready for our date.
That isn’t what happened.
The morning shift was shorthanded, and I was required to stay. At that time, I was still a low-level nurse, and there wasn’t any point in arguing. Jax didn’t seem upset when I told him, and I almost panicked that he would never call me again. I mean, what sensible person cancels a date with Jax Godwin?
I remember the page to the nurses’ station about midway through my morning shift, and there he stood, waiting for me. He had on a short sleeve, very tight, black T-shirt, light colored jeans, and his hair looked like he just got out of bed. However, his smile captivated me the most.
We had strolled out to the small courtyard, and he brought me a bag lunch. Jax didn’t know what I liked, so he had six different sandwiches. We talked about everything in that hour, and I knew I was hooked.
I open my eyes, staring at my steering wheel. Where was that Avery now? Where was that Jax? How did our lives become this mundane? I swipe the tears away and head home.
When I pull into the driveway, I see Jax’s bright red Mustang gleaming in the winter sunlight. I sigh deeply and head into the house.
“Hey, I’m home,” I yell out, not sure if he is here or out with his teammates.
“Hey, have a good day?” He walks into the kitchen. I can tell that he already had a shower from his workout.
“Long. I left early. How was practice and your workout?”
“Good.” He pauses for a second, looking me over. “Everything okay? You don’t usually leave work early.”
“I have a lot on my mind. I need some time to clear my head,” I answer him softly because I’m not sure I’m ready for this argument.
“From work? Maybe you should take a vacation.” I know he knows the answer to that question. He is very careful with his tone.
“It’s not just work, Jax.” I guess it’s time to clear the air. “And why would I take a vacation by myself? Would you be able to take time off with me? No, you wouldn’t be able to.” My tone is harsh, but at this moment, I don’t care.
“I’m in the middle of a season, Avery. I can’t help that. If you want to go on vacation, call your sister or a friend. There’s no reason to get so upset over me not going when you know I can’t. I’ve never been able to; that’s not going to change.”
“Yeah, I know that, Jax. I’m well aware of what doesn’t change in our lives. I know what comes first in this household. I thought, for a second, that maybe you would have at least considered it. But, that’s fine. I’m getting used to the second chair!” My voice rises with each sentence, and my blood is pumping hard from emotions that accompany my words.